There goes July and welcome August. Hmm....I'm trying to calm myself down, and get myself back on track. Nvm slowly, take your time. I'm not starting work yet cos I'm not yet stable. Once I think I'm ok to start work then I'll start cos juggling work and studies ain't that easy. Trust me. So far money hasn't been an issue. Its just time.

Well.....I'm really looking forward for this upcoming Ubin trip....And yes...I want you to follow. You know who you are. Anyway thanks for the walk just now. I appreciate it. Well.....back to doing camps ey....Enjoy yourself.

Just let the days pass and I hope I'll get better soon. Hope I can clear my mind so living this life wouldn't be that hard for me. I nvr know what I'm thinking about. I'm always thinking of something. No wonder i have alot f white hair. AHHHH!!!!! If its not that its this....Hmmm......That's why i need to work and i need to have strolls at night to peace myself before i sleep. Maybe if someone was beside me during my stolls, it would be so much better.

I think i better go and sleep. Its skool again for me tomorrow.

Missing you agian.....

GoOdNiGht and take care.

Everybody needs a little time away
I've heard her say
From each other
Even lovers need a holiday
Far away from each other
Hold me now it's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to stay
After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done
you're just a part of me I can't let go
Couldn't stand to be kept away
Just for the day
From your body
Wouldn't want to be swept away
Far away from the one that I love
Hold me nowIt's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to know
Hold me now
I really want to

......

Hi ayul......How are you?

Hmm.....I'm ok. Skool jus started and the hols jus ended. Did a few camps and a few things happened. I jus started doing my project. Its so called almost done. Thank you buddy. Thank you ezad. I donno how to thank you anymore. You've always been here for me. When I'm sad, when Im happy, when my troubles and problems start killing me. Thank you.

Here I am trying to let it all out but some things are just to personal. Im missing someone real bad right now. I miss my dear friend. I miss her like coconuts....Awak!!!!! Ayul MISSES YOU REAL BAD!!!! Hmm....wish I could hug her now, right now. Tts what i need. Tts what i really need. I jus finish doing a day job and Im half dead. It was seriously tiering and i jus felt like giving up and going home but I couldn't, I wouldn't get the money. I jus felt so weak and ive nvr felt so weak before.

Ayul!!! Wake up! Wake up! Why are you like this? At this point of time? Wake up! You know things have changed, so make the best out of it. I need to go to Ubin to run away from all this. And i would really greatly appreaciate it if my dear friend can tag along. Please.....

Come on....snap out of it.....I jus feel that Im being pulled away somewhere. And Im tired cos i feel like Im trying to run away from this somewhere. Ya Allah.....help me....kuatkanlah hati ku, tabahkan la hatiku. Berikan la ku pertunjuk dlm hidupku. Berikan la ku cahaya dlm hidupku. Tolongla Ya Allah....I dont want to drown again.....I dont want to fall again. Ya Allah....please give me faith and strength for me to continue......Amin.... I guess I am really tired. Tired of running away from things that my heart really tells me to do. Running away from the things that are infront of me. Im a coward. Thinking that Im a strong person but deep inside me Im jus me. Scared. Scared of reality. Im glad god did help me to see things more clearly. And it was a good thing i started praying again. It makes me feel so good after i pray and that everything inside me jus flows out smoothly. Eventhough some things that you want them to happen dont happen, there's no point fretting. But trying harder and not giving up. I may be a coward but atleast I still dare to try. And i wont stop trying till god takes my life away. I wont stop here. Cos life has a long way to go unless god takes me away.

I guess its time for me to really start concentrating on my studies and stop slacking. I've been to slack cos Ive been carried away. Jus dont give up.....Dont give up.....My teacher wants to meet my parents this tuesday, not sure why.....

Hmmm......awak....hope to see you soon.....I miss you....Really...

I want fags..Can I have fags? Please.....I want fags.

So how is it gonna be today? 3rd day of the week, which leaves me with another 2 days of work. Getting an off on Sat and on Sun I have a shallet, which I'm not sure whether I want to go or not. But everybody's going so maybe I might be going.

Collected my pay yesterday and there it went. It's done! Settled my bill and there goes the money. So I have to work cos I need to find back the money. I have projects to do but I donno when to start yet. Still feeling lazy and still donno how to start even though I know wat to do. This sucks......

I want to find another job so tt i can work 2 shifts but I donno what. Haven't got any news from Inno, so I don't even know whether I'm doing camps or not. When they don't have enough people then they'll find. Then If people cannot do, they force to do, now free, dowan to call. Assholes.

Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do

Its the weekends now and after tt its my hols. Haven't got my name in camps yet but its ok, I'll just continuing working at other places. I'll be happy as long as I'm making the money and it's put to good use which I've already planned what I'm gonna be doing it with. I'm gonna stop shopping cos I've been buying alot of things recently. Lesser spending when I'm out and jus concentrate on the unfinished things tt I have to do.

So I'm jus waiting for time to pass by before I start work which is boring cos I'm not doing anything at the moment. Just feeling hungry and It's jus boring la. Hope it won't be tt busy today at work, Cos tomorrow I have a long day at work. It's gonna be 8-5 but the other way round. It'll be at night. Well....My parents donno tt I'm gonna be having holiday so I guess they will continue giving me skool money, I hope.

Hmm....Got so many things to do and to finish up but like donno where to start like tt. Just hope I won't fall sick cos everyone at home is sick at the moment. Cos I really need to juggle alot of things. So I'm gonna be a mad worker again. It's in the blood la. Hahaha, like father like son. Sorry.....I jus can't feel tired easily. But the moment I lie down, tts when my body will be happy. So I'm jus gonna waste time now, smoke till i die and just continue trying to lick my nose. Hmmm...can I?