You're Gone

We might as well be strangers. Knowing each other but not saying anything. Not even a 'hi' nor a wave nither did i get a smile.I'm so tierd of being here. Thinking that I've moved on but I'm still surpressed by my own fears.

If you have to leave, I wish you would just leave cos your presents still lingers here.

The pain is so real that i can't even stand on my two feet. This wounds just won't heal.

It's because god I'm strong. We spent so much time together. Even time can't erase the torture that I'm going through. The greatest feeling of love which can be so wonderful but it has harmed me in such a way that i can barely hold.

I tell myself that you're gone but some how you r image appears in my mind. Your kisses, hugs, smiles and laughter is still in my heart. Your love and your hatred for me leaves a scar in my heart. I try to fight it and tell myself that're a good wonderful person. I know you can change and i just want to see you happy. STOP HATING ME!

Your sweet voice keeps humming in my ear. I'm stll fighting and its been 2 years long. But your spirit seems to be with me. Everywhere i go. I just can't live without you.

I wipe my sorrows every single day and try not to think about it. I still love you and by looking at your pic or by remembering a phrase from you makes me strong. This starts my day. You are my energy.When will this wounds heal? God wipe away my sins and tears. Return me my love and complete my love life. I just can't bare the blood that drips down my big cut on my heart. It hurts so bad that only love and her can heal my sensitive heart.

Something tt just came out......Im ok now cos im stronger then ever......

Hmmmm

Parting away.

My spirit has gone with the wind.
Thorns felt my heart with blood.
Sitting here so empty hearted after we both parted.
My heart filled sorrow and pain.
What’s left of me is just an empty shell without life.
She left me in a far away land.
Taking away my flesh and leaving me with only pain.

Thank you.

I was so sad I got possessed,
We are not together, I wish I were,
Then I found out you have chosen him,
You hurt my feelings and made me cry,
I just don’t know why,
I continue to try,
“Things won’t work out”
Is all you ever say?
I guess that’s why,
I’m feeling this way,
This is all because of you,
No doubts in my mind,
So go break another heart,
Go make another friend,
I’m walking away,
I’m never turning around,
But I also thank you,
For this strength that I found.


Never

Never say I love you if you don’t care.
Never talk about feelings if they aren’t really there.
Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.
Never say you’re going to if you plan to start.
Never look me in the eye if you plan to lie.
Never say hello if you mean goodbye.


Leaving

Leaving you was painful,
But I believe I have too,
Even though saying goodbye was hard,
I’ve done it,
I’ve made myself more truthful,
Leaving you is not easy,
Leaving what I loved,
Breaks my heart,
Maybe we were just not made for each other.

Problems...

Not saying I’m not sure bout my self or I’m not sure what to do with my life. Problems will always be problems and they will never go away till you solve it YOURSELF! Well….it seems like my life has always been occupied with problems, never living me with peace. I don’t know how I can go on with my life with all this problems. One after another it just keeps on coming.

Why have I never given you up? Why have I never forgotten you? Why have I never hated you? And the biggest question I always ask myself is why I even bother thinking of you and still care for you if you don’t even give a shit bout me! Hmmmm….till now I wonder, and I myself don’t know when I’ll stop wondering.

Truthfully speaking I’m not ready to have another relationship now, not ready to have commitment and not ready to sacrifice time for anyone. It seems like I am scared which I partly am, cos it’s like you got stabbed once you wouldn’t want it to happen again. Just can’t bare the pain you have to go through. It just makes you think a lot, I know it isn’t important for me right now, its just bothering me a lot. Whether I should or whether I shouldn’t. This question plays around my mind again and again. Till I get so angry I don’t know what to do. Yeap, that’s how pathetic I can be, irritated by my own self. I do miss love, I do miss being loved, I miss being in a relationship and I do miss being cared and remembered by someone who cares for you. Haizz….but I just can’t see it happening. Not now, not in my busy life, wouldn’t know how I can cope sey, not now in my life when I still see myself as young, which is too young to be too committed in something and getting disappointed yourself.

I have told myself to be strong so many times. I know I am getting stronger as months and weeks go by. I have put her way behind my head and way behind my heart. Buy why the fuck does it appear again and again???? Why the FUCK!!!!!!!!!! I am sick and tired of it, when will this shit go away. Its not that I want to think of it, it just comes, the fucked up part is, it happens when I sleep. YES! Dreams that I get…. I know they are dreams, but they are irritating me….why must they come and why must the dream be bout her???? If like that how the fuck can I forget about her? HOW? I ask anyone who gets across my blog and gets to read this post. YES, people say forget…easy said. What the fuck am I suppose to do when I try to forget the person and they appear in your dream. If the dream was bad I wouldn’t mind but the dreams I get about her are all the good ones. Am I supposed to believe it? FUCK AH!!!! That isn’t going to bring me down, I say that again. Nothing is happening between me and her. We stay as we are. Acquaintances we will be. Its just irritating…..simple said.

Listening to the songs on my mp3 to calm myself down, that’s the best solution for me now. Just chill and smoke myself to death if I could. Nyah Hah!

It's A New Blog!

K.....I'm starting new. For those who know me, you should all noe that my blog is accidently deleted by someone. Yes, deleted. Haizzz....So its poor me doing a new blog. So lecehkan!! But then I have to do this because I have to write in order not to stress myself. I find writing things out just makes me feel better. So, when I'm bored I post, when I'm stress I post and when I feel the need to I post. YES! So whats new??
I just started skool, which is my new semester. I'm left with 2 terms to go then I have officially graduated Nitec in Tourism. Yes, its cool alright. So where next? A lot coming up, I'll update that in my next post. This semester is going to be a fast one, 10 weeks of studying on computers that is then another 7-8 weeks on attachment. Not sure where I'll get attached to yet. Its either to a travel agency or Innotrek. Both also I want. I feel that I want to work at a travel agency cos its cool, at the same time you learn and Innotrek cos I actually earn more money. The amount they will be paying us is so little. Guess???? Its $10-$25 a day working 9hrs a day. Who wants that man!? Its like slavery to me. That money is like enough to buy a pack of fags, 1 meal and transport money.
So what has been up lately? For some of you who noes, yeah.....I've been really busy. Busy with work abnd camps. The past 3 weeks of holiday has been full of camps and events. I've been learning a lot and at the same time also boosting up my level of confidence.
Happy news is that my Birthday is coming which is next month on the 26th December. YEAH! But I'll be in Malaysia doing an expedition with T.E.A.M, which is abet upsetting. Looking forward to taking my bike license, thinking long term and short term at the same time, cos if I take a car license I can't afford a car which will be useless so it leaves me with a bike which I can afford.
So that's all folks......Don't you dare delete my blog again....HEHEHE.....Happy reading!