Like Sands Through The Hour Glass.......So are the days of my lives...

I Just Feel Like It

2009-06-09T01:56:00.002+08:00

I just feel the need to do this. Its been a year plus since i last updated my blog. Things aren't as smooth as it should be going and I'm really having a hard time enduring with my NS. Being a fireman isn't an easy job for sure, not just the job, the tough training i go through every duty of my NS life. That few hours of hell is really a tough call. Nothing even words can describe how tough or how bad the training is other then you yourself being part of it. Hmm....that was what i wanted, i wanted to be fireman and now i am one.

The only good thing now is I'm left with about a year to me finishing my NS, in July I'm starting school, gonna start my diploma in tourism and i really hope that goes very well, cos my dear Sarah has finished her degree. I'm really amazed! Its like i met her when she was in year 1 and now she's graduated from school and here i am still the same. We've grown up for sure and we're still doing well. Just gotta move on and start doing new things.

i need to focus. Focus well to go through all this. I just wished things could be a Lil more simpler. That could really help me right now especially at work. And me trying to cope with school soon. Cos I'm like lost. Not knowing what to expect that's coming my way.

Help! my minds almost in a mess. I'm just listening to some Itunes radio channel, not bad! And o ya typing this out randomly. Which ever things that's coming to my head are being typed out here. I need a break real soon but i cant go. Things need to be settled. Money issues every where, things i need things i want. Living on my NS allowance isn't easy. Seems like a lot but neh, its not. I know i know compare my allowance to other vocations or other units, I'm getting one of highest, but that's beside the point. I deserve that money for work and yes, we really do use that money for a whole lot of food and drinks just for a 10 day work schedule. And plus my own responsibilities.....I feel like I'm already working permanently. But I'm still a boy. In me i am a boy. Hmm.....Can i not grow up., [please.!!! help!

Untill then I'll be trying my best to survive and go through all this.

Chiowz......

Things Are Well And Kicking

2008-03-19T11:41:00.003+08:00

Unlike Sand.......water is nice, precious and can be the way of life. The way it even exists is a question and special to me.

Sand does the same thing to me, it makes me ponder how it was made but again, sand is just sand and i guess it never goes to waste whereas water is precious, if its not taken care of, preserved it'll be gone for good.

Like sands through the hour glass my days go on and on and its not ready to stop yet . And the things happening in my life are nice and precious to me. Its been a splendid time for me. Ive been doing a few camps few weeks back, and it was great, but tiering though, but as more camps as i do, i start to love my job more and more, except for the few days being out, cos my days are actually going through faster. No wonder i don't feel my days pass by me, cos they just fly by.

Oooo, whats that smelly disgusting smell....Aww damn, it smells.

K its gone.....must be the rubbish downstairs.

Hmm......I bought some things online.....but most of them arn't here with me yet. Damn! And my headphones are freaking spoil, the bad thing is i don;t have the receipt with me so I'm not sure whether i can send it for repair. Hmm....so might as well buy a new one. Hai....one thing after another.....

Well, there's this course that i wanna go to, its IRATA. Which mean Industrial Rope Access Trade Association. Its about climbing and maintanence and I'm freaking Interested not just about the money, Yes money is freaking good but to me its more then that. I find the job fun and challenging and i think it'll be a good skeleton to my life. but the course is abit expensive and I'm not sure whether I'Il can save enough money cos the time is short. The only available time for the course being held is this coming may and i have to produce 1800 by then. O no, o no.....

How o how, finance finance........

Holidays, IRATA......

I love you Sarah

To a busy work month AHEAD! Cheers!!

2008-02-20T13:17:00.002+08:00

WOah!!!!How come every time i post it seems like its at the end of the month going to a new month. Is it me or its just passing by very very fast?hmm.....next week's the start to a very very busy month. Camp after camp after camps. And its exciting cos im going to different different places to do camps, expeditions and just a day programs and i hope i use the money wisely.

Well, just to let you guys know im gg to thailand again and this time its going to be more exciting. Yes! it always gets more and more exciting. Im gg for 10 days again but this time im gg to go through msia to hatyai then go all the way up to bangkok!!! then fly back to spore! so ya im gonna start saving to atleast have a thousand bux.

hAPPY nEW yEAR 2008

2008-01-02T02:53:00.000+08:00

There goes 2007.

Wokay....unbelievable. I don't know why......but that was fast.

Well....it was my 1st off for new year and yes it was great! I didn't celebrate it, but it was just nice to chill at Ubin and watch fireworks from there. Spending time with dudu and freinds. Wished Ezad was there. Could have been more happening.

Hmm.......Work starts tomorrow and everything else continues. Gosh its like my bday was last month and November was just a 2 months back and now its January. It just feels different every time a new month comes up. I'm getting older and its just telling me I have to get things done. age is catching up, yes i know I'm only 20 but time passes by so fast and like few years time I'll be 25, 27? Time to get married and I better get things done.

NS? NS? When is my time. I've gotta call them, and at the same time save up my money just in case they don't call me anytime soon so I can start studying again. The feeling sucks uh, I feel trapped. And There's nothing much I can do. So just save money.

So far work and money are alright, It's still coming to me. As in I got a few more job offers. I'll be working at Ubin on most weekends now, hopefully that is if business is going well there. Safra is still having programs so ya, money is still coming in and yeap, I've got Adidas to help me with. And to start school I've got to save at least 3000 bux by may. Do you think I can make it?. Hmm.....Hopefully!

You know sometimes you just hope life can go as smoothly as you plan it to be, but there are life's ups and downs and I hope I'm strong enough to go through it with them.

Sheesh, works at 12, I better get my sleep soon.

Goodnight and Go

Happy birthday Darling

2007-12-24T01:36:00.000+08:00

Well......Even with the mango madness going on everything is well and still kickin. Its been 3 weeks and I'm still alive! I survived! Haha! never thought I could go through the mango madness sale cause that's the only time you can see the ugly side of freaking ignorant women!
They really don't care and all they know is to buy as many things and their most important objective is be kiasu and mess up the entire place. Seriously. I was shocked. Its not the 1st time working there but seeing pretty stylish women behaving like that makes me disgusted! EYAK!!!!! And to tell you the truth 70% of women are like that and they start as young as 10 years old. Surprised? Don't be! So men out there, next time you go shopping with your girlfriend, wife or soon to be girlfriend or wife, please keep an eye on this disgusting behavior and correct them if you can cos i actually realised that the men who followed their women to shop at mango were the one's helping them fold back the clothes that their women has tried on or has taken a look at. I'm speechless......

My dudu's bday just passed and we just celebrated it. It was on a Friday. And everything went well. You wanna know what i did?
Ahem! I did a candle light dinner and a surprised present in my room surrounded with candles and petals..... WEEE!!!!!! It was great, awesome not that i wanna praise myself but everything went oh so well!

She indeed came early to surprise me at home, but i just had to think fast cos everything wasn't ready, so i blind folded her and locked her in a room where she had to freshen up and change to nice clothes. She was clueless i tell ya! She even scolded me again and again cos she wanted to know what was going on. Sorry Sarah, I don;t lie. You can trust me.

So while she was freshening up, I was rushing to get the things ready, Lighted up the candles, pluck the petals from the flowers and just threw them around my room.
This is what i cooked on that night. A potato salad, wasn't that great but was ok. A cream seafood pasta which was awesome! And lastly a nice warm sexy fondue with ice cold frozen fruits and marshmallows. One of the best highlights for the night.

But it wasn't over, She was just speechless, surprised and couldn't believe i did all that. But that wasn't all, after the meals, i brought her to my room and yea, her eyes were closed and when it was the right time to open she just jumped for joy and she hugged and thank me. Yeap, she did tear and by that i just knew that she was happy. I did it! There the letter which was in a frame and her present laid on the bed.

Hai....finally its over. I planned that so long and finally it went so well and its over. What a relief!

Its my bday soon and New year too. Hmm what should i do? Not celebrating it. Don;t think Sarah's doing anything for me cos she told me already. :( Its ok Sarah, its just a birth day. I don't need gifts to make me smile and be happy, just you, to love me, and just to let you know, I love surprises!

I love you!

What's Inside Of Me........I Let It Out

2007-11-29T03:54:00.000+08:00

What's Inside Of Me........I Let It Out guess thats why I have a diary and a blog. Hmm.....questions, troubles, problems all running through my head....but what are they.......

A year is almost done and what have I achieved this year? Gosh, 1st of all a year is almost ending? And I didn't feel it. Its damn fast uh! I don't wanna waste anymore time cos this time thingy is very important to me. So what if NS doesn't call me next year? I'm not gonna waste anymore time but what if i get into school and they call me half way. I'm in need of big help. This really bothers me a lot. Hmm.....

My dudu, my lover......I love her a lot. I love her so much......i don't know how to describe it. But there are certain things.....certain things that make me think or that makes me sad. Its the small small things that are there...hmm i don't know...Sometimes I get confused...sometimes i just have to put on my thinking cap and think so hard...then when i snap myself out i don't know what I'm thinking about. Its being in a relationship.......caring and loving someone......thats why I love her....the effort and all those that you have you put for her, for that someone.....you put them before you.

So what are my future plans? Hmm...no wonder I think alot.....
After the new year.....try to enlists myself to National service......if they say not yet then I HAVE to start to save so i get myself in school by may. But where am I gonna get the money from? I have to save at least 3000 bux by may.....Its possible but its hard. And i have to work my ass off again...really really hard. And after i pay for enrollment i still have to pay for every sem which is at least 1000 plus. hmm.....stresssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP PLEASE!!!!! Where am i gonna get that much money from. That means I have to work while I study. Its possible but HOW, ITS TIERING, STRESSFUL!!!!! But I have to do it. Its my responsibility. Its my future. I'm a man....I have too.

The school is Tourism Management Institute of Singapore. Its a good school and i have a direct link form My ITE cert that i have and that's one of my only chances and way that i can continue my studies. I don't wanna waste anymore time. I CAN'T!

Well...sayang i hope you can guide me through this life. Cos i think I'll be needing it. Just be there for me, that's all.....

I love you!
Goodnight and Go.

When the sands go through the glass tubes....

2007-11-10T01:03:00.000+08:00

Hey Everyone.
Whether those who know me or not.

Just Hi....
2 months have passed and obviously I've gone through quite a number of things in life. The ups and downs....but yea....life goes on no matter how much you hate it.

Haven't been making enough money for myself
I got banned from doing camps for Innotrek (but life goes on so does camp)
My basic amount of money isn't there anymore
Have been going around looking for jobs
Waiting for Adidas to call to start work
Sarah is starting her holidays soon, Yey! (but working at mango, but still yey!)
Fucking NS hasn't called me yet
Still thinking a lot about my life
Maybe I'm going Brunei next month
Its my deary's birthday and so is mine
I love my Sarah a lot aka my girlfriend

Wow! That is quite a number of stuff that has been going on and is gonna happen or is still happening.
Still thinking a lot about my life = Yes I am.....reasonably not that i have nothing better to do or that i want to make my life even more difficult but just to always remind me where i actually am and what i have to actually do to make myself better. And the 1st important big step is by going Ns 1st but they haven't called me yet and its fucking hell bothering me. Which is bullshit....Singapore is full of shit. Wasting people's life for nothing and their fucking reason to make people believe that its so good is, to fucking protect their country which i don't think they know that if all the other countries were to attack Singapore at the same time Singapore would be destroyed, cos of its tiny stupid size. So cos of this I can't continue with my life or continue studying cos that seriously is making me worried. There's so many things I want to get over and done with but some things are just not that easy to settle as fast as other things.

Well.....how's Sarah?

Ah....she's great. My Super girl is being very strong indeed even though she's struggling with the awesome heavy load of projects and homework that she's getting,she's still alive, breathing, and still kicking it! And not forgetting at the same time loving me......heh heh heh..... =)

Yes, and her semester is ending and its another holiday....and yes another Mango session.
I do understand that you need to work there cos you need the money. I do, I seriously do...I just hope you can start abit later so I can celebrate your birthday and another thing, please do have a break when you start working cos you never do...Hai.....da la enough of Mango talk. Just reminding you not to forget to at least take a day or 2 to rest or to cover back. I love you.....cos its always this period of time when you're rushing with school work, deadlines at your fingertips and being so stress with everything and adding to your mind is dodo, and its always this time that dodo misses you the most. Just so you know.

I always wish for the best for you Sarah....with all heart and hope.

And there you go......

Like Sands Through The Hour Glass, So Are The Days Of My Life.

Love you Sarah.

2007-08-06T05:18:00.001+08:00

Doink!

Peace MAN! (Jamaican Accent YA!)

Hmm...

Dodo n Dudu

Love You Sarah

~~Weeeeee~

2007-08-06T04:37:00.000+08:00

Woohoooo!!!!!!!! Back back from Thailand!!!!!

Listening to my Ipod while typing this out cos my speakers are spoilt, so ya Kc n Jojo. Never fail to make me smile when I listen to their songs. Not emotional or sentimental OK! They're just nice!

So ya,Thailand was super awesome uh! I spent 7 days there with my love and it was just great. I don't know how to describe it with words, it was just 1 of the best moments of my life, spending my holiday with Sarah.

Shopping, shopping and lots of shopping. I just couldn't find nice stuff for some people cos its not easy buying for people things so I just got simple stuff for my friends and clothes for myself. Its really cheap there uh! Seriously! You'll just be so amazed by how cheap the things there are, calculating and converting back the prices back, trying your best to bargain with the shop owners and being happy after you buy your stuff at a very good price!

Maybe just 1 thing that i didn't like about the trip was the traveling. My god! Hours and hours of traveling just to get to 1 place. I mean i did enjoy it though but it was just not comfortable enough to make me please. So where did i go? Well, spore to Hatyai, stayed there 1 night and traveled to Krabi the next morning and stayed there another night then went over to Suratthani then to Donsak then to Koh Phangan. Herg! All this took like 6-7 hours just to get to the destination we wanted which was Koh Phangan! Full Moon!!!! Koh Phangan was great. That was the main High light of the trip. Rented a bike for a whole day and went around. Went to the beach on 1 part of the island and tanned, snorkel and took pictures! It was pretty uh! Hmm....Maybe just the feeling that you're with your girlfriend and you're having a splendid time. Night fell and it was time to go for the party that I've always wanted to go to. Finally. Kla, not so great as i expected it to be but it was cool. Party at the beach, watching the locals doing their fire shows, danced abit here and there and headed hm. It was cool! Hai......how i wish I could be there again. Holiday Holiday. You just feel so free.....

P.S: For you Sarah

Thanks Sarah for everything. For this memorable trip and experience that I shared with you. It was you who made everything so cool and fun. Cos without you around me, it would have just been a simple trip and holiday. I hope this trip has made us love and trust each other more. I really like seeing you happy and smiling. That's most important! You were amazing, and I'd love to see you open up more to me......that'd be nice darling. This has been a really memorable event for me in my life. And you know how much I love traveling, and I wouldn't wanna stop exploring and experiencing every single moment of my life with you. I love you Sarah. Its August now and I'll be In Ns very soon. I hope we can go through it together. May both of us be strong for each other through out our love and relationship cos I don't want us to just waste everything and stop there or anywhere. You have my support and love and you can ask for more if its not enough! Hehehe! =) Heeee! I love you la! I want you! I miss you a lot nowadays, just 7 days together with you like not enough. Ya! Its never enough eh? Hmm.....yala yala cheeky me! Hmm.....if there's anything you wanna ask just feel free to ask tau! Cos there's quite some stuff I wanna talk to you about, can I get to know you more? Pls? Pls girlfriend?

I'm Done!
Goodnight Dudu!
Love you lots!

Another week

2007-07-23T01:04:00.000+08:00

Another week but different things happening. Gonna be doing a day program for Inno then gonna try settle my money that the company owes b4 Thailand itself. Then gonna meet Sarah after that. Hopefully I won't be that tired going here and there to settle the things. And hopefully If there's time I'll Have to rush to buy paint cos on Tuesday and the next following days before Thailand will be painting sessions.

So hopefully everything turns out well, my money, the painting sessions, and not forgetting I have to go and book The tickets cos I'm leaving on a Friday night. So Its very very soon.

The plan on the move abouts in Thailand is not yet planned but we're trying to get it done. Roughly its gonna be for Hat Yai to Krabi then to Koh Phangan where the full moon party is gonna be held and maybe to Koh Samui then back to Krabi, then off to Hat Yai to go back. But what we gonna do there and where we gonna stay are still unplanned so ya. Its gonna be a very exciting trip cos we don't know what to expect and we're so new to the place so hell yea, its gonna be fun!

Shopping's not gonna be much there cos we're just there to sight see, relax and enjoy the place, so we're not bringing that a big bag home.

Lets just hope that it'll be an experience of a life time for the both of us!

Love you Sarah
Goodnight.

2007-07-19T02:57:00.000+08:00

Thailand Is finally coming again. Few more days and il be heading there. Like Excited like tt rite? Haiya, but this time, im gg there with a really really tight budget and im gonna go to thai with a bus. So tt means its gonna be a whole day of travelling just to go there. Well, I hope it'll be comfortable.

Life goes by, nothings changed. Camps, camps......sarah meeting sessions and just relax and do nothing. Sometimes I think of the past, think back and I just wonder what leads me here to this path. Im happy where I am, happy with my life and girl friend but when I think of reality it scares me. Like what am I gonna do In future. What's my job goona be. Am I gonna get a good job. This kind of questions really scare me. But when I think back, i do miss the really old times uh. Like my frens and jus living a happy go lucky life, nothing to worry about. Maybe jus the mistakes I use to do. But now, everything's just so serious, like if I don't do it now, its never come again kind of thing.

Love has been great. It still pumps my life with happiness, smiles, and with everything nice you know of. Sarah has been a great girlfriend, actually the greatest. Im lucky to get her, to get someone who loves me and really cares for me, but doesn't really show but I know she ;oves me alot. Haha, sometimes she's funny herself.

Well, after Thai I need to calculate and really write down What I have to do next. Cos if not Il just be lost again.

Hmm....pimples pimples.....what can i do to get rid of u? The scars....hmm......it comes to a point tt smtimes I don't wanna look at my face, cos I get more worried. Then Il start thinking how other ppl actually look at my face and how they feel. Im not trying to be insecure uh but these are the questions tt comes to my head, and they are mostly facts uh.

Whatever la.
Thai's coming, lets let loose and have fun
Goodnight and Go

Everything

2007-05-14T01:04:00.000+08:00

Find me here

And speak to me

I want to feel you

I need to hear you

You are the light

That's leading me

To the place

Where I find peace again

You are the strength

That keeps me walking

You are the hope

That keeps me trusting

You are the light to my soul

You are my purpose

You're everything

And how can

I stand here with You

And not be moved by You?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this?

You calm the storm

And You give me rest

You hold me in your hand

You won't let me fall

You still my heart

And You take my breath away

Would You take me in?

Take me deeper now

And how can I stand here with

YouAnd not be moved by You?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this?

'Cause You're all I want

You're all I need

You're everything

Everything

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this?

Hey dudu, Im sorry abput the words I said earlier on. I really am. And i didn't mean to say them to hurt you. We just quarreled and i bloged it out, I was emotionally angry. And that's why Its there. But I don't mean them. You know that rite? You know that I love you and I wouldn't wanna hurt you. Its good that you know la and you're willing to change. And I have to change to, to give you some space to breath. Hmm, I love you.

Goodnight and Go

Still breathing

Love you Dudu

Weeeeeeeeeee

2007-05-05T03:44:00.000+08:00

Here I am typing this out and its almost 4am in the morning. As usual I can't sleep. Its not a disorder yet, its just this night habit of mine that I can't sleep to early at night.

There goes friday and its saturday. Camp starts on tuesday and deary starts work this monday. The designer job havent called her yet so she's gonna do this telemarketer job only for a week earning 10 bucks per hour. Is that good or what??? Well, I thought I could spend time with her on monday, which is a day before camp, like the usuals but guess I thought wrong cos her work starts on Monday. Well, Like she said, Who's gonna pay her 10 bucks per hour if she comes to meet me. Anyway I've been spending alot of time with her, which was the whole of this week. Everyday.....and on most days we end up quarrelling especially the gg home part. Hmm.....

Its just her. The crankyness, groggyness and the out of a sudden she gets irritated. Can't blame her, its just her......and its tiering to always give in and lose out to her cos I wanna have fun and I want her to smile and talk. That's what I have to do I guess to make her happy. All this for love. Like I said before, just don't you dare break my heart.

Had a talk with her just now when we were having our dinner. About the old times with her, about how we started liking each other and stuff. She told me, I am like a brother to her, A best freind but yet a good lover. Guessed she really meant it.

Its just me that's thinking too much and feeling all this insecurities, but I'm feeling better now, its just her in need of time and space for herself and sm "friends". Can't blame her agian. She has a life and should have her life, cos I'm not the only 1 who should be too revovled around her cos we're best freinds, special freinds she proclaims. All I can say to us is all the best and just don't give up and lose faith cos we love each other alot and its just age and some other shit that's stopping us from being together.

This word "commitment"......hmm, guess she's not ready for that yet. Gave her directions already and since she knows it already all she wants now is some space to dicover herself and her way of mixing around with others.

Just to remind you again.

I love you, and Im asking simple things from you which are to appreciate me, to love me back and not to break my heart.

Cos if you do, you know what will happen to me cos Im not as strong as you think I am, and if you don't wanna see me fall, just don't push me away and don't break that small precious heart of mine. Im not being emotional or "sentimental" (the word she uses to describe me) its facts about me.

Well, Im hungry now and Ive said sorry and explained to you the reasons to our quarrell just now, go think about it.......and since you know how you are, that meaningless attitude of yours, go change yourself and be a better girl for someone to love, and for yourself to understand.

Im gonna go cook my prata, and you're having your nice slp.

Goodnight and go

A random Idea

2007-05-02T15:56:00.001+08:00

Enough of bumming for me! Briefing for the 1st camp after a long time i tomorrow! Weeeeee!!!!!!
So its gonna be super early at punggol and after that Im gonna be accompanying Sarah for her job interview. Wish her all the best for her awesome job if she gets it, cos its a stepping stone for her in future. She's gonna be doing this designing shit for makan sutra or smthing la. So all the best babe!

As for me, yea a few camps and earn big money, save up and wait for another awesome holiday at the end of June! Krabi here I come to your nice beach to have fun at your party!!! Wooooo!!!!!
But its gonna be back to back shit and Im still thinking how Im gonna survive without meeting sarah for a few days. Geez, I love her......and Im gonna like miss her badly!

Well here I am at pasir ris, at this random Online shop doing this cos Im waiting for sarah to finish her tuition. So yea......tts all for now!

How ~Dumb~?

2007-05-02T01:31:00.000+08:00

So Sentosa was great! Its been a long time since the last time i had great fun and I tire myself that much. Ive lost all my energy and the last few bits are for to let it out here.
It was like, Rugby, wrestling, captain's ball, dodge ball, and jus the plain swim and all that made it awesome! And my bodies aching!!!!!!!

And ya! I managed to wake up super early and went over to sarah's and did the cooking. BUT!!!!!!!! You know what????? On the way to Sentosa, while in the train, I was so so engrossed in this 1 song, listening to it and sarah telling me the meanings to those complicated words, and ya when it was time to alight, I forgot the freaking god damn food in the train, and I didn't realise that till I was at Harbour Front. Hmmmph! How foolish can i be? Kao, forgetful shit, and when I told Sarah that i had forgotten it, she didn't know how to react. Heh! It was more like angry , but can't be angry cos it wasn't on purpose and I didn't know how to react myself, I was like laughing it out the whole time! Kao!!!! How dumb! 1 of the foolish days for me.

Later part of the day sucked abit, wasted too much time on where to eat after sentosa, and at last we went to vivo and I GOT MY BAN MIAN!!!!!!! The coolest, nicest but smelliest food you can find! Serious! Trust me! ITS SUPER NICE, and ya me and sarah jus had to quarrell after that, ending the day like shit. Hate it! I don't know what was the quarrell all about, how it started and why it happened, cos she jus started it, and I can never win uh! I can never be angry or sad or upset cos then she'd be the one in return and I'd be the one going after her to make her smile.

Hmmph!!!!! WHy? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why sarah?

2007-05-01T02:18:00.000+08:00

Its the end of April and woah, and hell yea what a month? Ive been bumming the whole month! Not earning a single cent but instead spending my money cos im like going out every single day!

Going to sentosa tmorrow to chill at the beach with some friends. Hope its gonna be fun! Im gonna have to leave hs early cos i have to head to sarah's to cook sm food to bring over cos everyone's bringing something. So yea!

I don't know whether its me or its my heart or whether its sarah. Things change and time has changed it. I jus don't know anymore, Im like lost but not lost.

Fuck all this la, Im hanging on and being patient. But smtimes she jus acts weird. And it shocks me or shld i say it surprises me. I don't know how to react sial. Cibai!

Now Im all pissed!

Go to slp then.

Plain day

2007-04-27T00:50:00.000+08:00

So what did I do tday? Hmm.....IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII went to Jb alone!!! hahaha. Lame! Well, it was ok, i was listening to my ipod the whole time, I felt alone, cos i was alone, but last time when I go out alone, I dnt feel tt alone. Hmm, y eh?

But everything was ok, looked at things, cut my hair, got a head n back massage, so kind of them. REGULAR? ahaahaha. Anyway ya, then went over to city sq and bot sum1 a pair of shoe! Smthing to suprise her, so Im gonna write a note before she even opens the shoe box. Cos she only siad get her smthing to match her white and blue berms. So ya. Then went around, buy game, dvd and snacks. Thought I cld meet her and share the food with her, but i ended up meeting kai to chill cos i didnt know what to do since it was like super early and that she finished her skool late. Yea!

Hmm.......tomorrow is Sarah's school party and some presentation. She wants me there, and i wanna be there so i can take a look at all their interesting work. But its not yet a confirm. So yeah, I don't know yet. Hmm.......Is my mum working the next day? I hope she does.....

Shit! I forgot to keep the food in the fridge....

K Back!

Hmm.......well, the days and things tt i wanna do now are like so unplanned. I feel like my life's a mess, not abt sarah, but i just feel like its a mess. Thrs so many things i wanna do, finish up but like its so hard, why eh? Im like missing so many things that i love doing, expeditions, gg for backpacking trips, doing random stuff, working out but having fun! Kao, i wanna do all tt again, but i dnt know whats stopping me!

Urghhh!!!! Shit head!

Pissed out but ok!

Longing For

2007-04-26T16:41:00.000+08:00

Yea yuh know
Only you Only you
Only you can make me feel, just like a king
Love you give to me so real
Makes me give in

Girl, just like magnet to steel
Your love -- keeps pulling me in,
If its a battle I'll fight for you,I have to win
To prove to you my love. is so deep within
Its even getting deeper
Since I reach prison

Longing for
My baby to love me more
What am I longing for?
Babylon release the Cure
What am I longing for?
My baby to love me more
What am I longing for?
Babylon release the Cure

When when when when?
Can we see each other again
When when when when?
Can we see each other again
I know there's someone, must be there comforting you
Whenever you need a friend
I'll make you mine, give me some time,
I'll surely make you mine
It may be long, now forever.
I vow, to get myself together
I love you baby, always on my mind,
No matter the time.

What am I longing for?
My baby to love me more
What am I longing ..longing..longing...
What am I longing for?
Babylon release the Cure

Only you can make me feel, just like a king
Love you give to me so real
Makes me give in

Girl, just like magnet to steel
Your love -- keeps pulling me in,
If its a battle I'll fight for you,I have to win
To prove to you my love. is so deep within
Its even getting deeper
Ever since..

What am I longing for
My baby to love me more
What am I longing for?
Babylon release the Cure

2007-04-26T04:00:00.001+08:00

Im feeling better now. What a rough week that was. Hmm......I havent been doing a single thing this mnth. NOt even work. Shit sia........ Fucking Camps. And no job. Hmm......Things that are undone also havent get it done. Stoooopid me! Why the fuck am i wasting time? No Im not, its just that the time that i have are not reasonable. Its not some excuse i made up for myself, but ya, im not free at nite watt??? Im only free during the day and smtimes in the afternoon.

Hey sarah, Im sorry if I was bugging you with questions. Like i said i want my ans and assurance and i think i got it, I dont wanna be pissing you off with this questions cos ure still messed up and filled with so many things in your head and ure still unsure of sm things. Sorry...

Tday was awsm for me.....stayed home, bought some stuff at the market, and cooked shephard's pie with sarah. Yeah, We were hungry and it was yummy. Slept for awhile then went out to chill which was super short. Haha......

Well......she's gonna be busy tday, some stupid skool stuff, Fucking teacher. Yea, I hate her teacher, She's dumb and unreasonable. Anyway, the frens are gg clubbing tday, sarah's gonna be at skool, and Im gonna go jb on my own and do sm random stuff.

Hmm....when's next camp? Fuck far away but nxt mnth busy gileer uh. Have to save up again....

I really need to get the unfinished stuff done. Its bugging me and the loved ones are gg after me.....No more paying bills for me, told dad im running low. BUt yea, have been surviving quite well with money la, Fags and gg out mkoney and prepaid.

Well....Still breathing.

Can't wait for Friday.

Weeeee!!!!!

SeE yoU sooN.

Goodnight and Go.

Happy Bday Dad

2007-04-24T00:23:00.000+08:00

Happy Bday to my dad! The best guy tt ive met and the best person tt ive had in my life. Was never really close to dad till now. Getting closer to him as i grow older, as we grow older. Smtimes i wish i didnt disappoint him like i did.

Like no matter how bad and fucked up i am, he still has this energy to advice me, to love me and take care of me. And Im happy tt he is my dad. Im proud tt i have him. Ive made so many mistakes in my 19 yrs of life, and i wonder how he can tolerate me. I use to hate him, cos i can nvr talk to me. Like everytime i look at his face thrs this scary feeling, and finally, i don't have tt feeling anymore.

I can talk to him like my fren, and i jus feel free talking to him about my probs.

His getting older, and soon he'll get tired, I just hope nothing will change for now.

Well, best wishes for him, may he have a long healthy life so tt he can be here for me and the family. Can nvr imagine if his gone.
Love you dad!

2007-04-23T17:11:00.001+08:00

I try my best to make every single moment of our lives special and fun. Did it work? Did it happen? Or did i jus fail?

We are somewhr out thr loving each other alot, but yet we can't be together. I understand the reasons. Am i selfish? The questions all still play around in my head. Isn't it nice to be in love? Isn't it nice to love and be loved by somebody. To be cared and missed.

Im missing all of that now. I don't know why. The time's gonna come. Time will tell the ans. But why? Arn't we happy? Arn't you happy? It saddens me, but I am happy. It saddens me cos i noe what's waiting infront of me, but I'm not sure how to react.

Am i not good? Am i never good enough? Am i pathetic? I m not, My hearts telling me what to do. Hmm.....

Hmm......Siti Sarah......why? Love? Misses? Kisses? Hugs? Comfort? Friendship? And love?

I just can't get you out of my head. And Im jus so close to you, Im comfortable with you. I can't stop calling you mine. Is tt wrong?

Do you remember, us lying down. Asking ourselves, or maybe telling each other under the stars, I feel like i Love you, but do you think its love? Then we lied thr silent. But we jus smiled and didnt say anything cos we know. We know it inside of us. Tt we like each other very much and that only time will tell that we love each other. And up to this day......my feelings have develop. It loves you, I love you.

Im feeling uneasy but my heart wants it all out. It can't keep it in. Not being able to meet you or see you on certain days.....my god....it feels too long. I can't wait. May tomorrow be a good day for us.

May the ans come. Heart you

2007-04-23T03:00:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder, Sometimes I think. I ask, why are we so special? And there's so many reasons why we are so special.

You are amazing. You are random. And you are my angel and you have swept me of my feet. Sometimes I do think that maybe sometimes we should have been friends, but Whether we are firends or not, My heart will still skip beats for you. Ask me again, why? Im clueless. Ask yourself why you love me, bet you're clueless too.

But no matter how far you are away from me, no matter how busy we both are, I nvr fail to think of you, I never fail to continue loving you. Cos my days starts with you. You are in me tt gives me the strength and faith, you give me my cheerful mornings. Especially when Im away, far from you. But yet, my heart still beats fast for you no matter where we are. Im always waiting for the day to end or the week to end so i could meet you fast. And by this time i think we've grown and we still are. We have grown. Ive seen us grow and develop. We are getting stronger each time. It is a test for us. But no matter wat comes in my way or our way, i always smile after that cos i know we can go through it, together.

I just want you to be happy. I want us to be happy. Ure the greatest buddy, a wonderful Lover and ure jus an amazing human. Smtimes I run short of words to describe you, tts why this heart of mine Loves you alot.

Im happy for us, Ive never been so happy. I am in love again. Im in love with an angel. We'll see how far we can go. I trusts you. Which makes it a challenge for me. I wish we could just stay the way we were, being happy. Smiling everyday.

Ubin, Thailand, the random days. Walking to anywhere without a motive of anything but we still have fun.

Be strong ayul. Be strong.

Just don't hurt me.....don't hurt me. Please.........This heart of mine is small, but the love for you is alot. I love you Siti Sarah.

2007-04-21T13:39:00.000+08:00

And So NOFX was Superb. It was awesome but it wasn't how i expected it to be. It wasn't so packed but still it was awesome. Yesterday was 1 of the best days ever but also the suckiest.

I fought with my deary and yea it was a big fight. I havent cried my heart out for such a long time. And when she told me we're gonna break up, my heart sank so deep i cldnt breath. I was thinking to myself.......will my heart be broken again? Will my heart be scared again. I don't wanna go through this again.

How could you do this to me? I ask myself sometimes, why when we fight, you must ask for a break up? You know how sad I'l get? Its like you don't want this relationship. Its like you don't want us to stay. Cos everytime a big fight happens, you ask me to be your friend. Ive told you before, if we ever do break up, Il never be you r friend neither your enemy. We'd be like not knowing each other. Cos you are my best freind, my good buddy and my lovable girlfriend, and if we do breakup, its never gonna be the same again.

I jus wish you cld change tt habit of yours. You say you love me, then why let me go? Why don't you wanna keep us together? Im Sad Siti Sarah. Im Happy when You're around me. Your presents just make me happy......im filled with joy when you're beside me. You mean alot to me.....You are that special to me. I wonder whether Im special to you. Cos sometimes Im cluless. I wanna noe how much you love me, how far would you go for me.

Being together is easy, but holding us together isn't as easy. Its like maintaining a car after you buy it. Its not tt i wanna compare but yea. And i wanna noe whether you are willing too to go for the long run

I guess you wnt be reading this cause you rarely blog now and i guess you don't even check my blog anymore. As this blog slips away....

I love you dear Sarah.

Pls don't bring me down.

Don't break my heart.

May the both of us stay happy together.

Missing you like coconuts.

Love you DUDU!

2007-04-16T01:35:00.000+08:00

Here comes April. NOFX IS COMING TO TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOO!!!!! And I'm watching them!!!!!! AT last the lengends are here in singapore and I spent 60 bucks to watch them. Its this friday! Shit!!!!! What should i wear? What should i wear? Fuck la! Its a punkrock show, why the hell am i thinking of what to wear??? Hahahaha!

Hmm.....everythings going on fine....camps dnt call me that often so i really am freelancing all over the place. This month not much money. :( But its ok....nxt mnth working with AO and ill try to hit the jack pot.

Hoping to go for another awesome holiday, hopefully with Sarah. It's her Holidays soon so HELL YEA I want to go for a holiday....Hmmm.....whr I'm not so sure yet.

St James looks like its almost done for me cos I havent worked with them for quite sm time. I dnt noe why dnt ask me, maybe out of lazyness? Maybe......But Balaclava offered me a job and they pay mpre, but again.....its Night life. Sm times Yea I am tired of working Night life but their work Timings are great! Hmm....Let me think about it 1st.

Gotta go! Chow Romanos.....I HAVE CAMP! I NEED TO WAKE UP AT 5!

2007-03-14T02:37:00.000+08:00

So my blog slips away and unnoticed, rarely being updated and not being read anymore.

Will i be a good partner? Am i a good partner? I think to myself.

My dearly, as time goes by, my love for you grows stronger and stronger. I can feel it growing in me. As hours go by, i miss you even faster. I can never get enough of you. I can never get enough of your love and i cant stop thinking of you. The warmth that you give me everytime you're by my side and the feeling of my heart beat beating fast everytime you're around me.

This me can never make someone's heart satisfied eventhough i try. I ask myself, am i not trying hard enough. I do want to make you happy. I do want to make you smile and laugh. I want to be a good partner that can give you what you want. Is it that hard for me? I think to myself every now and then afraid of losing you, where is our stand for the both of us? I don't want to be in the stage of losing you. I don't want to be thinking of that. I just don't want you to be far away from me.

Let us grow, Let us be strong. It takes time. I apprreciate you. Like I've said before, you are 1 of the best things that has happened to me in my life, and I don't want that to be taken away. You are my friend, you are my love, and this small heart of mine loves you greatly but it needs strength and support from the other side.

You are tired. I understand. Thats's why you're always grumpy and cranky. Its ok. Hang in thr. Breathe my dear. No matter how pissed I get with your tired behaviour, Ive never hated you, cos i know you're not yourself. I know that someday your real self will be unleashed. It takes time and patience my dear, thats what I'm here for. Not only to love you, but to also help you with what ever things that you go through.

We are beautiful together. If only both of us have the extra strength to always cheer each other up.

Is this the stage where the time comes for me to let go and let her free? Is it repeating in my life? To let free the other so that she can explore the world and be her self. Cos that feeling somehow rather comes and distracts me. The fear of letting someone you love go. Whether she wants to explore or that she has no feelings for me anymore jus fears me. It makes me shivver and that's when I start thinking and wondering alot cos that's when my heart is unsure. Ayul is unsure.

Its her choice and i have no right to stop. Im jus a guy living life to the simplest it can be. He doesnt ask for much, he doesnt seek too much, but the world makes things complicated. How simple things turn to problems and it affects you. It just saddens me, will i have to leave her so she can seek happiness?

My dear sarah, I love you and I'm missing you. My heart's to weak to let you go, but if i have to then I've got no choice. You're an angel to me, cos you've blissed my life with love and joy. I appreaciate it.

Finally, Finally

2007-02-16T09:28:00.000+08:00

Finally I'm blogging again. For the past 2 months I've been really quiet and busy. I've been doing camps for the whole of January and juggling my night time job at the same time tts why I've no time to blog.

For your info I jus came back from Terangganu. Did my training there for another company. So I'm still gonna continue doing camps for 2 companies. Basically the 1 in Terangganu pays more and its really physically challenging, which I really prefer. This is wat I mean by having an instructor position. Not just by leading a group but also going through an expedition with the group. Tough isn't it?

Well, my training was with this group of adults from the petronas company. I had to kayak with them as long as 33 km and hike up a mountain as high as 875m. I tell you, it aint easy. The kayaking itself was tiering and the next day we still had to hike up that steep mountain. 1 thing that made my job there quite easy was cos of the past expeditions I did with my frens, so I'm quite use to it, going up and around with a group.

Wats good about this company is tt it really tested me physically and mentally. Like, how can I give up if I'm bringing participants up there. Maybe if I go with my own friends atleast we can stop at our own pace, but during camps, we have a schedule to follow.

The next upcoming camp is gonna be tougher, its gonna be a 55km up river kayak and I'm gonna be climbing that same 875m mountain bringing up JC students, so I'm still thinking how I'm gonna go through it. Its long and I'm going up river which means we all have to fight the currents. Thank god the instructors are using the fiber glass Kayaks. Eventhough the Camp is tough I'm still gonna have a great time cos the experience and the achievement you get in return is really marvelous. And I've got something new, I've got a pet baby monkey there, It's really cute.....I'll post pics next time K!

It's time to rest, I've lost all the energy in me. I need to go shopping and go for a holiday!!!!!

Happy Bday!!!

2006-12-26T16:18:00.000+08:00

Happy Bday to me and Im 19! Wah! Hahaha, Finally 19 which doesnt make a diff. Anyways.....Im really looking forward to my bday cos alot of things has changed from my last bday. Ive got new frens, and my olf frens are still with me.Not really looking forward to new cos i'l be working tts why i wanna have a blast on my bday. Going out tonight to party with my sis. Gonna GET DRUNK!!!!! Eventhough its a normal thing but it jus feels diff to me. Gonna head to my sis work place 1st then gonna go to my work place to finish off with.

And.........wats really making me excited is tt i'm organising a bday dinner at my house. Gonna invite some frens over since my parents arn't at home and I'm gonna celebrate. Me and sm frens are gonna be the chef and we're gonna cook foe the people who are coming. So i hope everything will turn out ok. Its my 1st dinner session.

Can't wait to have fun, and my heart's really beating fast. So i guess I'l stop here, so ppl out there have fun on your own while i have mine! Kudos Motos Lokos!

Goodbye my LOver, Goodbye My friend

2006-11-21T07:14:00.000+08:00

Goodbye my LOver, Goodbye My friend

Im Gonna miss you. Im Gonna Mis Class. Went to skool to settle some papers to sign and to talk to my teacher about my situation and im actually quite sad to leave the class. Especially the 2 lazy assholes in the class whom are actually my buddies. Have already wasted half a year there not gaining anything and the 2 buddies are gonna be continuing, which i have already advised them to follow my foot steps cos they go to skool jus for attendance but their brains and minds are totally lost, i donno where, but it must be far. Its so lost! 1 is stuck with his gf 24/7, gf, gf, gf.......The other 1 is a techno trance freak, dancing 24/7 bieng a paikia with that abeng look he has but when you talk to himm, his jus this humble chinese boy.

But those arn't inpt, the most impt is that im gonna be leaving my lover.Im gonna fucking mis her.......She's clever, smart jus abit slow here and ther, has short hair, not to short not to tall, wears specs which i don't really fancy but overall she's ok.....The way she asks questions, the way she does her hair tucking in her sideburns....Hai....Im gonna miss you ZHEN MIN!

Im sorry...I jus Can't keep It In mY HeaRt!!!!!!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!! YEa....Yea...Im a BAstard!

2006-11-18T18:00:00.000+08:00

Woi!!!!!! Ayul!!!!

Wats up?
Wats been happening you mofo?
A mnth long now.......quite alot actually. Ive got a job, im quitting skool, i lost my wallet, im finding a new skool, and gonna be jusggling myself with camps and my work.

OMG! Really? You quit skool? Why? Are you stupid or wat? You only got n levels and a nitec cert. Can tt bring you anywhere?

I hope so......Well, im interested in tourism and im gona study tt course. So many, many hopes and if i dont get to go skool now, ill go ns 1st. Tts my plan for now.

So whr you working?

Oooo, at st james power station. Its a great place and im having alot of fun working there. The pays good, hours there are great, so ya. Im earning there.....

Other then that, what else are you doing?

Jus work and doing camps so i can earn more, so i can spend and at the same time settle my unsetteld things.

Ook....hope you get what you wanna do and hope tt everything will turn out well for you.

Hope so too, thanks anyway. Can i go now? I ot work at 8?

Yeah go ahead, you'll be late....Go Go!

2006-10-19T08:56:00.000+08:00

Days have been okay......dull but still hmm....ok i guess. Skool jus started and lessons begins today. Have been going home early cos the teacher hasnt been coming to skool which is unreasonable to stay in skool. So ya, i went home.

Hey.........i added something new to my blog!!! Yey! Ahaha....lame uh but yeah tried it for fun and it turned out well. Wanted to try to put a music vid but i don't know the layout of my blog so ya, can't put it in. But i do have thios cool vid i wanna put. If cannot pun nvm la, then i wanna learn how to put the music player in.

Bored in class.....

Ho Ho Ho, "is it Christmas?"

2006-10-16T04:17:00.000+08:00

Hey ho......

Ive been extremely great....yes happy that is. Ive finally got a job tts paying me good and im happy, well appreciated that is. Ive started work and gonna be working on most weekends, so ya there goes my weekends cos ive got skool. Everyone there is friendly and im jus happy. I havent been working for 5 mnths and finally job searching is over. Now, yes finally i can settle all the things tt needs setteling.

Skool starts tmrw, which i need to start concentrating, need to start putting in more effort cos i gt debared for my last paper last sem. Ahaha, great rite? "yeah rite"..... That moment sucked but yeah, i jus smiled and let it pass through cos i knew it was gonna happen, no point fretting on tt.

And....its a week away to Raya! Hahaha....hmm, maybe this year jln raya maybe not, hope i wont be busy. Not expecting alot of duit raya oso cos im getting older every year. Hahaha.....
Its almost the end of october too, which is really really fast and sometimes im jus not ready for a new mnth to start. But yeah.....2 more mnths to new year to my bday and need to clear things fast b4 it hits new year, so atleast ill be happy tt its a new year knowing that i acheived some new goals.

Thats all for now, happy, smiling and life's great that things are the way they are.
Gonna get some rest b4 skool later.
Chiosz.....

Yeabah!!!!!

2006-10-03T03:40:00.000+08:00

Wow! Its the 3rd of October already?
The last time I blog was on the 5th of September, which was the start of my school holidays and now its almost the end of my holidays.
I haven't got a job yet so I haven't been busy with work but with my own things. Like??? Ah???? Hmm?? Ah??? Hmmm???? What uh? Ala...My own things la... Haiyo...

I did get to go for my expedition which was super awesome...Very challenging in deed and yes....It Was Gunung Stong at Klantan....The times when it was close to death...As in about to die but didn't happen...It was jus One super cool horrible experience for me and my buddies. Fewh.... But I loved every moment of the time spent there even though I had a fucked up attitude. Serious....I had a fucked up attitude....HaHaHa....Sorry...You did to ok!!! So yes! Another successful conquer by me....Cheers to The Legend.

Well...I'm still praying hard that I get the job after the interview this Wednesday or maybe after a few calls that I'm gonna make tomorrow. Yes...I desperately need a job....Drop dead seriously need a job. Its my holidays and fuck!, I only did 1 camp which is like pathetic but still.....rezeki...Thank you!

Have been spending a lot of time with my deary who is always very stressed with her school work. The non-stop amount of school work that she's getting which is like impossible for any normal human being to be able to finish it on time with perfection that is...And always thinking about unnecessary stuff and always cramping up her own mind. Which in the end leads to headaches and stress.....
Goodthing you met someone like me who knows how to relax. Not saying that I'm a big fucker who knows everything but yes, I do know how to take things easy and chill about it, unless things just go beyond my control. So deary....Relax.....Ok...!!! No point thinking too much. Cos you will just tire yourself. Let it out.....Yes...You do have a lot of school work but don't pressure yourself...1 thing at a time....Don't rush and you got to stop saying that your work isn't good enough...cos other people might think differently about it. Its like taking a break from your own pressure but still doing your work at your own pace. OK?

I wonder...Will I ever land in UNIVERSITY....Must be like a big joke now...Hmm....Few years later down the road...I don't know man...Deary will be getting honors soon...Me? Haha! A pathetic H nitec cert which is just a bit higher the 'o" level...Big joke right?

Another slack boring day tomorrow. Puasa has been great. So far so good. Its just the brain that's pulling me to the "Ahem" side....But I'm trying my best to fast a whole month again this year. So it's either i sit at home again tomorrow and go out after buka and lepak and ea lots of Dbl Cheesburger....Love those awesome things. Yummy!

Eh....I forgot....have to go CMPB la tomorrow...Haiya....How cold i Forget.....Sheesh..

Time to take a shower....Eat abit and go to sleep...

Yeabah!!!!

The Legacy.....

Take care and goodnight.

Woosh

2006-09-05T13:32:00.000+08:00

Days are passing by faster and faster. Its already the 5th of September. And to know
that you actually have smthing on, that you're looking forward to smthing, making you impatient makes the days pass by faster.

I can't wait for my exam to be over which is this monday. Then comes my expedition which im leaving the next day on the 12th of september in the evening. Hmm....Nice rite? It is to me la, its like a get away after exams uh...A get away from life!!! Haha!

The waterfall is fabulous and the sense of satisfaction and acomplishment after reaching the summit of the mountain can never be compared to any other thing in this world. And i can't wait for that kind of feeling to come to me again. The breath taking scenery and the cool nights that i can gaze at the stars and not forgetting the shooting stars that will pass by every now and then. Its like eating oysters and getting orgasms after that! Haha!

So im waiting for class to end. Not doing anything at the moment. Actually i did nothing from the start of skool. 2 more days of skool which will end at 10 then HOOOOORAY!!!!

And so it is.....Like sands through the hour glass.....So are the days of my life....

Keparang pundeng keparang scraper...De pundek da de!!!

2006-09-03T01:13:00.000+08:00

Hi September.......

When everything seems to go fine.

When everything seems to go smoothly.

When i thought everything was going to be ok.

FUCKING KANINA CHIBAI, BENAWEH TURBUN, PUNYA WHALE2 KUNTRAT, PANTAT DIA BEBISOL, BABI ITAM BAU PONOK, NINNOWKHIA, BODOHNYA LOUYEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHIT HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAT LUCK??????????

Hmmmm..........

Well......Life goes on....heart pain sial....my hard earned money goes away just like that. MY 1st mp3 got stolen, now this one.

Got so many things to do with money and now this. What? Buy new mp3? Fuck......now only the 3rd day, dying already.......boring already.....I NEED FREAKING MUSIC TO LIVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And a fren of mine just had to say, "my dad bought for me an mp3"......NABE!!!!

Its just not my luck or wat to buy mp3????? HUH? HUH?

Hmmmm........Few more days till exam. Wait, i got exam this monday. Some computer shit uh. Microsoft Access. Then on the 11th I've got Business fundimentals exam. Then on the 12th at night im leaving for kelantan to climb another mountain. Gunung Stong.....5d5N.....1433m high....

YEABAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

POWER KEDEGAK!!!!

Fuck......but i still feel like shit, i donno wat to tell me dad sial. FUCK! He was asking for it jus now. Hmmm.......And Im FUCKING JOBLESS, FUCKING BROKE.....wat am i gonna do sial....hmmm

IM juST PISseD......

Sway

2006-08-24T01:25:00.000+08:00

Ive got 2 weeks of school left b4 its my exam. Ive only got 1 paper to do, my business module. Then its my 3 weeks holiday. Is that short or wat sey....Well, i guess Ill be busy doing things during my holidays and i guess it will jus pass by very fast. The fasting Month is really nearing, About 30 something days left. Hmm...am i ready? haha....

Hmm....I wanna know somethings. My heart's yearning to know somethings. I donno whether its still to fast or too early. I donno whether we're going anywhere. My heart beats for her but I donno whether there are any Improvements. Im missing you...and Im not able to meet you. And if I do get to meet you, you're always tired. But that's not important. I won't be seeing her till dono when uh...Ive got camp on the weekend.....She's goin out with her friends later and Im busy on friday. Im jus sorry if Ive hurt you or disappointed you last time.....

Well.....1st week of holiday, hope i can go on another expedition sumwhere. Planning and finding a place to go. If not then Ill jus do camps and work then. But Im really looking forward to the expedition and i hope it happens uh.

Im looking for a job now, I dono when i can start working again. Im out of money and I need to find it. Ive got responsibilities. Parents havent given me money to buy consession yet. Hmm....so Im always topping up my card like every 2, 3 days? Hmm.....

A song for you.....

I talk to you as to a friend
I hope that's what you've come to be
It feels as though we've made amends
Like we found a way eventually

It was you who picked the pieces up
When I was a broken soul
And then glued me back together
Returned to me what others stole

I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make you sway
Like I know I've done before
I will not do it anymore
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
Now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground'

I look at you and see a friend
I hope that's what you wanna be
Are we back now where it all began'
Have you finally forgiven me'

You gathered my dreams in
When they all blew away
And then tricked them back into me
You saved me
I was almost dead

Our 1st kiss.....

Missing You....

2006-08-15T14:00:00.000+08:00

Hi All

Hi Ayul?

Hi Ezad?

Hi Sarah?

Hello!!!!!!!!

Hmmm......here i am in class now doing nothing as usual.....Skool's a wreck now. And im in a position where "If I don't do this or that" Im gone.....My parents have to come down to skool to meet my teacher and if they don't, Im gonna get sacked. Im under observation for 2 weeks from now, and if im late for 1 lesson, out i go.....Kao....I aint gonna let them kick me out of skool sia. What am i gonna do then. I know i always come late, but its better coming then not coming at all wat.... Hmm...I just signed the agreements already and the teacher is now processing the neccessary letters and documents. Kao......No way man!

Need to start working sonn but i can't start yet. With all this i can't work. My projects done, ive handed it in....This thursday is my CA and a few weeks time its my exams. Fasting month is nearing and it'll soon be Raya.....

I wanna go JB soon....I wanna go ubin soon....hmm....

2006-08-02T01:30:00.000+08:00

If you don't know me by now
You will never never never know me

All the things that we've been through
You should understand me
Like I understand you
Now girl I know the difference
Between right and wrong
I ain't gonna do nothing
To break up our happy home
Don't get so excited
When I come home
A little late at night
Cos we only act like children
When we argue fuss and fight

If you don't know me by now
You will never never never know me

We've all got our
Own funny moods
I've got mine, Woman you've got yours too
Just trust in me like I trust in you
As long as we've been together
It should be so easy to do
Just get yourself together
Or we might as well say goodbye
What good is a love affair
When you can't see eye to eye

If you don't know me by now
You will never Never never know me

Its just nice to listen to old songs again. And just let the body sway with the music. Its a good thing i had a chance to hear all this songs when I was younger. Now that I know the meanings to the song, it sounds so much better.

Am I suppose to weep listening to all this songs? Hmm.....I donno...memories jus come flashing through my mind. Whether old or new. Its nice la, but yeah...I miss all the times i did this and that. Wish some things could just come back and happen again.

I just feel like I have alot of things to type but it doesnt seem to come out. Maybe some things are just not meant to be mentioned. Its 0130, Im suppose to take a shower then pray and go to sleep. BUt i feel a lil uneasy. Maybe after i pray things will be better abit. Hmm.....Zad...thanks for the things you told me. Haha.....Im still smiling and laughing to myself to wat we talked about. Hmm.....just wish i could just do all the things i wanna do. It just takes time i guess. How long...not sure.....Ive already did a mistake...and i wish i could turn back but i cant. But life goes on i guess. Not hoping but by having faith in god and myself. Cehdibah!!!! Yeabah!!!Hahaha.....

Going Insane

Crazy

But still ok.....

Ah....crapping Again....

2006-07-31T02:30:00.000+08:00

There goes July and welcome August. Hmm....I'm trying to calm myself down, and get myself back on track. Nvm slowly, take your time. I'm not starting work yet cos I'm not yet stable. Once I think I'm ok to start work then I'll start cos juggling work and studies ain't that easy. Trust me. So far money hasn't been an issue. Its just time.

Well.....I'm really looking forward for this upcoming Ubin trip....And yes...I want you to follow. You know who you are. Anyway thanks for the walk just now. I appreciate it. Well.....back to doing camps ey....Enjoy yourself.

Just let the days pass and I hope I'll get better soon. Hope I can clear my mind so living this life wouldn't be that hard for me. I nvr know what I'm thinking about. I'm always thinking of something. No wonder i have alot f white hair. AHHHH!!!!! If its not that its this....Hmmm......That's why i need to work and i need to have strolls at night to peace myself before i sleep. Maybe if someone was beside me during my stolls, it would be so much better.

I think i better go and sleep. Its skool again for me tomorrow.

Missing you agian.....

GoOdNiGht and take care.

Everybody needs a little time away
I've heard her say
From each other
Even lovers need a holiday
Far away from each other
Hold me now it's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to stay
After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done
you're just a part of me I can't let go
Couldn't stand to be kept away
Just for the day
From your body
Wouldn't want to be swept away
Far away from the one that I love
Hold me nowIt's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to know
Hold me now
I really want to

......

2006-07-28T18:15:00.000+08:00

Hi ayul......How are you?

Hmm.....I'm ok. Skool jus started and the hols jus ended. Did a few camps and a few things happened. I jus started doing my project. Its so called almost done. Thank you buddy. Thank you ezad. I donno how to thank you anymore. You've always been here for me. When I'm sad, when Im happy, when my troubles and problems start killing me. Thank you.

Here I am trying to let it all out but some things are just to personal. Im missing someone real bad right now. I miss my dear friend. I miss her like coconuts....Awak!!!!! Ayul MISSES YOU REAL BAD!!!! Hmm....wish I could hug her now, right now. Tts what i need. Tts what i really need. I jus finish doing a day job and Im half dead. It was seriously tiering and i jus felt like giving up and going home but I couldn't, I wouldn't get the money. I jus felt so weak and ive nvr felt so weak before.

Ayul!!! Wake up! Wake up! Why are you like this? At this point of time? Wake up! You know things have changed, so make the best out of it. I need to go to Ubin to run away from all this. And i would really greatly appreaciate it if my dear friend can tag along. Please.....

Come on....snap out of it.....I jus feel that Im being pulled away somewhere. And Im tired cos i feel like Im trying to run away from this somewhere. Ya Allah.....help me....kuatkanlah hati ku, tabahkan la hatiku. Berikan la ku pertunjuk dlm hidupku. Berikan la ku cahaya dlm hidupku. Tolongla Ya Allah....I dont want to drown again.....I dont want to fall again. Ya Allah....please give me faith and strength for me to continue......Amin.... I guess I am really tired. Tired of running away from things that my heart really tells me to do. Running away from the things that are infront of me. Im a coward. Thinking that Im a strong person but deep inside me Im jus me. Scared. Scared of reality. Im glad god did help me to see things more clearly. And it was a good thing i started praying again. It makes me feel so good after i pray and that everything inside me jus flows out smoothly. Eventhough some things that you want them to happen dont happen, there's no point fretting. But trying harder and not giving up. I may be a coward but atleast I still dare to try. And i wont stop trying till god takes my life away. I wont stop here. Cos life has a long way to go unless god takes me away.

I guess its time for me to really start concentrating on my studies and stop slacking. I've been to slack cos Ive been carried away. Jus dont give up.....Dont give up.....My teacher wants to meet my parents this tuesday, not sure why.....

Hmmm......awak....hope to see you soon.....I miss you....Really...

2006-07-03T15:18:00.000+08:00

I want fags..Can I have fags? Please.....I want fags.

So how is it gonna be today? 3rd day of the week, which leaves me with another 2 days of work. Getting an off on Sat and on Sun I have a shallet, which I'm not sure whether I want to go or not. But everybody's going so maybe I might be going.

Collected my pay yesterday and there it went. It's done! Settled my bill and there goes the money. So I have to work cos I need to find back the money. I have projects to do but I donno when to start yet. Still feeling lazy and still donno how to start even though I know wat to do. This sucks......

I want to find another job so tt i can work 2 shifts but I donno what. Haven't got any news from Inno, so I don't even know whether I'm doing camps or not. When they don't have enough people then they'll find. Then If people cannot do, they force to do, now free, dowan to call. Assholes.

Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do

2006-07-01T13:31:00.000+08:00

Its the weekends now and after tt its my hols. Haven't got my name in camps yet but its ok, I'll just continuing working at other places. I'll be happy as long as I'm making the money and it's put to good use which I've already planned what I'm gonna be doing it with. I'm gonna stop shopping cos I've been buying alot of things recently. Lesser spending when I'm out and jus concentrate on the unfinished things tt I have to do.

So I'm jus waiting for time to pass by before I start work which is boring cos I'm not doing anything at the moment. Just feeling hungry and It's jus boring la. Hope it won't be tt busy today at work, Cos tomorrow I have a long day at work. It's gonna be 8-5 but the other way round. It'll be at night. Well....My parents donno tt I'm gonna be having holiday so I guess they will continue giving me skool money, I hope.

Hmm....Got so many things to do and to finish up but like donno where to start like tt. Just hope I won't fall sick cos everyone at home is sick at the moment. Cos I really need to juggle alot of things. So I'm gonna be a mad worker again. It's in the blood la. Hahaha, like father like son. Sorry.....I jus can't feel tired easily. But the moment I lie down, tts when my body will be happy. So I'm jus gonna waste time now, smoke till i die and just continue trying to lick my nose. Hmmm...can I?

Woah!

2006-06-29T05:51:00.000+08:00

Three sleepless nights

This isn't how its supposed to be.

But you are so good at taking your time to get back to me.

I will wait for you forever,

if you would just ask me.

I thought that I could change you

but you changed me.

It doesn't feel right,

holding someone else's hand.

Together on phone line,

and living at two opposite ends.

It scares me to think,

that you could find takers other than me

and better than me.

But your head is elsewhere,

and I’m talking enough for both of us.

When will you see it's not so easy for me

you’re careless, and whispered, insulting, and bruising.

And I thought that you said things were improving.

These laces are untied,but my feet are still walking away.

I fall from you eyes, your eyes I trusted,

you said forever.

I never thought that you could say these words.

Is this really happening?

Erase my name from this page.

How can you take all these days,

What is inside of me what have I done and throw them away.

Is this the only way that you will notice me as I sit here waiting for you

Dead words for closed ears all this is sung for you I stay up nights

If you are still pretending this is what's right until stars leave the sky

Why can't you look at me can you only see?

knowing what my dreams can take away

One side, your side, can take away

Walk away from me. This night is done.

So its another day of skool b4 i start my holiday. 1 more test and i'm done and i'm gonna really suck at it. Actually, i sucked at all my test. Tts shit man. So ive already planned my schedule for next mnth and its all filled up with work and camps. 3 weeks of holiday so its gonna be 3 weeks of work not forgetting working every weekend. Can't wait to really start work again. I'm jus bored la tts why, and ya saving up big time. So zad, i only have 1 day off every week k. Don't worry i'll give you a call when im on off k. Cos im not so sure yet wat days i have off k. Hmm...k im bored, think i'll go to Jb after i finish this up. O and wat makes this holiday sucky, i have 2 projects to do and one of the projects jus had to be on HTML, which i hope someone can help me out. Date of submission, 2nd August. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Same shit

2006-06-23T02:15:00.001+08:00

This is how it’s been, this is how it will be
and when you wake up with him, remember when it was me
and I always will be waiting for you
and I know that you will never see...that

Do you remember when, you used to laugh there with me
and now I’ve become the joke, a punchline’s all I will be
and I always will be waiting for you
and I know that you will never see ...that

You’ll be waiting for the rest of your life
just so you can finally miss him
These words don’t mean a thing but I’ll say them anyway
...anyway, yeah

I can’t break away from these chains to my heart
the further you push me the closer you are
maybe I should try to let go
maybe I should try to walk away
there’s nothing left to say...but

Cause i can't break away

Same old shit in skool, having my lame 3 hrs break. Not knowing wat to do. This is lame. After skool i got work. So ill try not to tire myself. ! more day of skool and work b4 going to Ubin. Gerek.....Really can't wait.

Next week, last week of skool and then its my hols for 3 weeks long. Thrs when im gonna find my money. Work my part-time job and do camps. Tts for the next 3 weeks tts coming up.

And so it is.....

2006-06-20T04:43:00.000+08:00

LIfe's been dull. Going out almost every day doing nothing, just random hanging out. Well....but for this weeek, I'll be busy, freaking busy. I'll be working every single day after skool hours all the way till friday. Thank god its just for this week. Then sat and sun i'll be having some peace time to myself with some frens. Hmmm....can't wait. Now my only concern is my supplies. Don't have time to get them, and hmmm.....do i have money? shit.....

Anyway....wats up with skool? Things are better nowadays but skool still sucks big time. I'm still thinking how i'm gonna survive this 2 years of shit. I have 1 test this week and another next week. Just hope i can understand by just reading shit. My holiday is nearing and i can't wait. It's 3 weeks long and I'm so gonna fucking work for fucking money so i can live life. Life seriously sucks without money. It wasn't like this last time. That was once upon a time uh.....can always survive with 2 bucks in my pocket. Now.....now its totally different. So ya...holidays, work...have fun...make alot of money.

The memories

2006-06-14T04:53:00.000+08:00

Wasting time

2006-06-09T05:13:00.000+08:00

I have nothing to do at skool so im on the net almost everyday and blogging everyday cos I'm bored. Hai...this ends next Tuesday. The teache in charge is on leave. So yeah, going to skool doin nothing but wasting money, effort and time. Hmmm.....smtimes i wish i was a rich boy living this kind of life. Can demand anything i want and i'll be owning every new gadget available. Confirm fun nya eh?

So now i'm just studying on my own, trying to understand eventhough i can't. Sm great ppl in class are teaching me the HTML shit. And, i'm trying my best to understand it. So yeah.

I can't wait for the upcoming Ubin trip. Can ease my mind, can relief stress and can have fun! I think I'll never get board of the place sia. Cos everytime i go there, it really, really helps sia. Money.....hmmm.....pocket money ok....just nice, but in terms of settling or trying to finish up wat i left of with quite irritating cos i haven't start work. Waiting for 2 pay checks so once i start work.....Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

Its just complicated!

2006-06-07T08:28:00.000+08:00

Haizzzzz.......I try not to think about it but it really, really does annoy me or should i say irritate me. I'm trying to calm myself down and i thought when school starts, things could cool down abit. But i thought wrong. Hmmmm....my parents has been trying to calm me too, everyone around me has tried calming me down but every time i try to calm down and not think of some things it starts all over again. I start to get angry and feel sad and i get stressed myself.

My parents have been doing a good job advising me take things slow but......how the fuck can i take things slow if everything is rushing up to me? The teachers are still doing nothing about it and I'm just so angry about that fact. They want to take in students but they never think how the students are going to make their way through. No wonder alot of students kill themselves. Its like what tau.......you donno 1+1, the teacher is already asking what is 2*2. Sial uh!!!!!!How can this be sial.....The moment i start reading.....the words start playing around in my head. Should i be understanding it or should i be memorizing it sial? Hmmm....This suck! School sucks! I thought when i get school life could be alot better.....Fucking Shit....!!!! I need to start work soon, I'm suppose to start work today but how can i start work if i myself ain't yet stable?

Anyways, my friend offered me a job and i guess i will change my job. It's back to night life for me.....i earn more so why not right, and I'll be working on weekends so it wouldn't be that difficult and it wouldn't clash with school that much. If I'm free tomorrow then i can go to the work place tomorrow and start the work straight away. All i need to do is stablise myself and everything will be cool. IN TERMS OF MONEY AND LIFE. Hmmmm.........

2006-06-06T05:47:00.000+08:00

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help me! Help Me! I feel lost, i am lost. Alaaaaa....I just started skool and i think it sucks big time uh. I'm 1 month late behind studies and i don't know a single shit about anything. I finish skool at 5pm everyday and i have long hours of break on certain day. Shit! This is Shit, Super Shit. I donno what to do. Its like i rather not go to skool then going to skool. I donno a single thing and the teachers........doing nothing bout it so far.

I have work after skool all the way till 1, and most of my skool days start at 8am. How can i livbe like this for a year? and another year? Fuck, Shit! I feel like running away from everything! I'm surrounded by chinese students everywhere and guess what? There's only 2 malay guys in class including me. Malay girls? 4 of them....The rest????? CHINESE PEOPLE........

Can i just quit school? Now as in now? And just go to Army? Ah!!!!!!!!!I'm living in my own nightmare sial....Someone, just cheer me up, I'm getting older and crankier as days past by, just leave me people......sheesh!

My journey has ended but life goes on

2006-05-19T18:32:00.000+08:00

My journey has ended but life sure does goes on......10 days in Thailand....what can i say. It was super awesome. I did get to cover the whole of Bangkok and did get to go to some of Thailand's amazing places. I will update you with pics. I missed home. I missed Singapore, cos why? Haha, singapore has a nice clean envirenment. Seriously...i fell sick on the 6th day, lasted for 2 days. Noe what sickness? I oso donno. I was vomitting like every min, and every drop i drank from the bottle of purified mineral water. Haha, you must think im a weakling, think again and experience it yourself if you come. I was like a bulimic. The sky is polluted during the day with thick exhaust fumes and everywhere you go you can smell the stupid spice of food they use on the food. And adding to it was my own fag smoke. Everywhere you go, I can like vomit now typing this out and remembering what i smelled. There are like food street vendors everywhere and tts why i could smell all the food that was around. And you noe what, there's no pure drinking water in Thailand, all their water are reused and recycle and seriously boiled water taste so nice. If you wanna get a taste of the smell you can visit Golden mile shhopping centre or the basement of Peninsula shopping centre where the food court is. Haha!

Hai....how 10 days jus flew like that. Now its back to reality, find money, work and find some enjoyment to please my boring life.

Everything was unplanned which made the trip super fun and adding to it was my stupidity and blurness of my holiday mood. Haha. Fun rite? I can't remember places and i'll just tend to walk anywhere. And the poor friend of mine always being pissed with the decisions i make. Hey! Random mah? You like randomness rite? haha!

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Finally got my DREADLOCKS. I've always wanted it but you noe, friends always say things and make you think twice of the decisions you wanna make. But yeah, i did it and it looks nice and cool on me. SO PEOPLE OUT THERE, COME AND MEET ME SOON BEFORE IT GOES AWAY! Haha. I didn't really do my shopping there but i still bought some nice things for me to wear. I've always said, "nvm, can buy in Thailand" and now back from Thailand, didn't really go shopping.

Went to awesome places like Ayutthaya which we went just to look at ancient ruins of Buddha and some temples which we got bored after some time, cos most of them were alomost the same. The ruins were interesting. The ride there was great but i swear to god! The ride home was freaking boring, hot and uncomfortable. Buddha nya pasal! Haha. Sometimes i just wonder and still do wonder how the ppl there travel and live their lives there with the conditions there. I pity them. And yeah.....the famouse sex city, Pattaya.....there were like more than a thousand sluts walking around sia. Not including the sluts dancing in the pubs. Haha, if you were a white guy they would be running to you! Adding to the excitement was the renting of the bike which i did, and it was just like 8 bucks? Cheap rite? Riding it without helmet and licence was also part of the fun. Haha, and seriously, there arn't any traffic rules. I mean standard rules like following the traffic light ader uh...the rest are all history. No signals, even when lane changing. Give way rules depends on you and yourself, Overtake when you want too, and its ok not to signal. HAhAHAHA. I think i was the only soul there using signals and checking my blindspots just incase, cos there were like random bikes just passing through any small spaces available to them.

I think we took almost all the different types of transportation available there. The tuk tuk, the taxi, the train, mrt and the skytrain not forgetting the bike that i rented. Fun la, new experience and also learnt alot from my ownslef. The mistakes, the stupidity. All part of the fun.

Hmmmm.......Memories la......I will definately do this again sia! Just need the time and money. It isn't that difficult. Atlast, acheived 1 of my goals. And i'm ready to create a new one and at the same time acheive the others. I'll upload the pics once i get them k!

Ok lah.....

2006-05-10T02:29:00.000+08:00

Hey.....its the 2nd day going to the third. Ive done a lil bit of shopping and i still have to get a bag for myself. I cant be bringing around that stupid bag. Its a stupid sling bag and its heavy being carried 1 sided. So a new back to look for tmrw. Its fun but tiering i guess......beers after beers after beers.....weeee...im happy!

Weeeeepeeee

2006-05-09T00:20:00.000+08:00

Hey what do you know. Im in Thailand and its my 1st day here and im all excited. Hmmmm dreadlocks or not? Hmmm....lets just wait n see. What happens when i come back. Start of the day was great and the stupid work place of mine just had to screw everything up. Im short of money and somehow rather ill try to go through this Ten days of pleasure.....Yea! Im going for a massage soon! Fun eh!

Shake your head and lick your elbow >>>>try, it works when you're bored

2006-04-15T16:32:00.000+08:00

Walau!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im so bored sia! I tried licking my elbow, i tried typing with my toes, i tried typing with my tongue and my nose but im still bored. Listening to music and shaking my head with a pillow on top. Haizzz.....and i have work later...... Blah, blah, blah....life goes on!

Why do dreams Happen? Is it reality or is it just some stupid crap.

2006-04-14T01:30:00.000+08:00

Im sick and tired.....Im sick of the dreams i get. Dreams aint real and when the moment you wake up, everything seems so real like nothing bad ever happened. Haizz...Im seriously tired...it feels like shit waking up on most mornings after dreaming of stupid dreams. Fuck! She's no longer in my life and ive gone so far away from her, cant it just leave me alone. It makes me feel like Im a loser waking up empty at heart feeling like shit. There's no point for me to settle things cos its been a long time and i guess my heart wasnt satisfied not knowing the real truth. Ive had enough....I want to live my life.

Just got home from my recce trip at Mt Belumut. A 1010m high mountain. It was really something new for me. And till this point of time i cant believe i made it through. Just me and my friend, the 2 of us. And yeah, Im proud of it. Even people who saw us, asked. And they couldn't beleive that two 19 year olds are doing it on their own, not knowing the place and just going up there with no help. The whole journey itself was awesome and to experience it for myself was super incredible. The people were freindly and we got quite alot of help and infomation. Im looking forward for the next expedition to this mountain. Good thing everything went well, just maybe a few cuts and scratches my friend got. Hmmm, and I LOST MY HANDPHONE! Shit! There goes all the numbers. Shithead.

Hmmm....listening to my music and smoking while typing all this out. Sometimes I wish i was rich...so i don't have to work so hard to acheive somethings. So its back to working everyday and saving up every dollar. Its the 2nd week of April and my dad's birthday is near. Im suppose to go Thailand this month but by the looks of it....FUCK LA! I don't care, Im gonna make it happen. Alone or what ever, Im still going cos no 1 is gonna stop me. I need a break, a break from work life, from friends, from life. From what ever responsibilities i have. I just wanna be free for awhile when Im there. Its still gonna happen.

2006-03-27T22:00:00.000+08:00

Another day. A new day. I'm not yet asleep cos i'm waiting for a haircut at this time. At 6am in the morning. I'm letting my friend rest for awhile, so it's gonna have to wait.

Today was great. I had fun. Hmmm.....hey, i'm sorry to keep you waiting for so long. Really sorry. You looked great just now. I like you with specs and that short hair of yours. Hehe. The hair was just nice for you. Hmmm.....sorry i wasn't able to talk to you just now. Was catching up with my old time buddy.

Had a good time just sitting down drinking coffee and laughing my ass of. Talking bout old stuff we did in school. Laughing at how stupid we were last time. So the next thing coming.....ooo, i so can't wait. Hurry2 zad. Can't wait. Then it's Thailand for me. Yey! Hmmmm.....SHOPPING! I'M DEPRIVED!

Can't believe i haven't sleep and i have to go to school after this then have a short nap and back to work. Haizz....5 days of working for me this week. Need to really start my financial planning man. Hmm, and my bike licence. It has to end soon.

just an update

2006-03-25T01:18:00.000+08:00

Its 1 week to april and i have finished my attachment. I'm gonna work lesser days so i wouldn't be that tired and i can spend more time at home with my family and friends. So it's going back to school this monday to send my report and finally my RTT this friday. Hmm...I'm still saving up for my trip and yeah need to get started with the expedition that's coming. So looking forward for that.

Hey zad, sorry about that day. Haha, i just fell asleep. I guess i was too tired. Hmm....can't wait to hang out with you and meet you. Then we can talk about it. Its been a long time since we met and talk.

Haizz.....I just got another reminder letter for my NS. Shit! Hmm....Zad, medical check up have to go eventhough we defer it eh? So i guess School starts in June so i have to have as much fun as i can. I've listed down the things I'll acheive before i start school. And it's quite alot. Heh heh. I've graduated! Yey! And it's back to studying......Soon.

Nothing much

2006-03-12T07:30:00.000+08:00

Hmmm.....the reason why i don't update my blog is because i have nothing much to write about. And it doesnt concern you at all! Cos what i do everyday eversince february is work and only go out on the day i get an off. Sucks eh? Sucks shit! Well anyway, its already in the middle of march and there's alot of things that's coming so prepare yourself zad. End of this month.....Hurry, hurry......i really can't wait......i can feel it...

Anyway, next week is my last week working a full week cos my manager isn't gonna be there anymore and i will start taking offs, so i can do planning and meet some nice people.

Why do i see an unrecognised name there? Do you recognise that name? Any1? I ain't gonna call you cos i don't wanna talk to you. I'll only talk to you when the day you know your mistakes and you admit them. Till the day your fucking ego goes away. Get that straight for now. Take in. Take in....Don't just swollow it like you always do. People make mistakes and people understand. What people don't understand is when you do a mistake and you think you are right. I forgot, you're always right. OOOOO YAAAA!!!! YOU ARE ALWAYS RIGHT! NAK CARA DIA JERRR!!!!! HAH! MOFO!

Adapting

2006-02-23T05:20:00.000+08:00

I think im getting use to working there now. The only thing missing is the off that i don't get, The breaks i don't get, to eat. Work seems to be ok now, whether its busy or not, i think im ok already. The people there are nice so its ok. Few more days to sunday, YEY! haha

Zad, i donno whether i can make it sia......i can't get an off da.....it is seriously hard to get an off ah....i mean for me, cos im doing my attachment, considered as full-timer even thoug him a part- timer. So how? Saturday not alot of people working so i got no choice and my manager wouldn't allow it uh. I'll let you know again by this saturday but be prepared that i can't make it. Unless.....yeah.

I think i better do some things before i go to work, STOP being lazy uh. I feel so useless, waking up late in the afternoon and i don't have any time to do anything else. K so i'll be going to the bank after this and go do my ezlink. Than tomorrow do my bike thoery. Yeah. Next week get pay again than do my circuit revision than do my prac. Find a place to do my RTT than i can proceed if not i'll be stuck. I don't want to waste time....eventhough i don't have the money to buy the bike, i don't want to waste my time getting my bike licence. By March i should pass, if not by 1st week of April. That's my goal for now.

Ok people, back to my busyness.....see all you people again soon. Bye!

Rimasi maso

2006-02-18T07:03:00.000+08:00

This is so boring! I can't believe how i manage to do this. Work n work everyday all the way till march. I'm so sick of it.....I want my life back. This is so lifeless. Last week of february and another month to go. I hope all this will pass by very fast. Get my testi from work and go back to skool to do my report. Then i'm a free man, I hope. I donno why this is like so hard to adapt too. But what i tell myself is, just work and think of the things i can do with the money later. Cos this isn't something i enjoy doing. Seriously man......

Well, i just hope there are more things to look forward to next month so atleaset i can keep my mind occupied with some things, which can motivate me, and make the days pass by fast.

My body feels very tired......even though i don't think i am. Think i don't get enough rest, that's why. So when i finish all this, i want to get a good massage, i really want to pamper myself before the next expedition commences, Which i'm really looking forward too.

Ah! I feel so RIMAS........missing you like coconuts again!!!! WEE!

BOO! BAH! WAH! SHA! KAZAAAM!

2006-02-10T05:06:00.000+08:00

As long as i have days that make me smile, I'll stll be alive. Hey i like this phrase....Yeah, i really like it. It sounds very lively.

Well, well, well....another day of work, another day of eating peoples left over food and eating peanuts at the kitchen. This is what people do i guess when they're hungry. Haha, the food is delicious though so it's like the moment we serve the dish we will be aiming for a dish with delicious left over for our ownselves to eat. I guess this is the only thing crappy at my work place. We don't have time to eat...and if i do buy food to eat, it won't be nice and warm. Haizz...Ooo well, it's not like the world is gonna end. I'll just work and don't think of the food but think of the money and the things money can buy.

Hmmm.....yeah. Why coconuts? Hahaha....but it does sound nice, maybe cos it sounds familier to me. It's like i heard it somewhere b4. Hmm....BUt yeah....i like it and you can just continue saying it unless you don't miss me like coconuts cos i miss you like JACKFRUIT! HAHAHA! And ezad.....i miss you like YELLOW!!! Hahaha....don't have to be shy bout it cos i don't think people get it except me. And you can miss me like PIMPLES......Hahahaha....the hell!!!! I'm talking CRAP! Maybe cos I'm still sleepy, awaken by a call, and i can't sleep cos I'm feeling hungry. There's food but walking to my kitchen and warming up the food feels like it's never gonna end...SHit! I'm becoming a lazy bastard....

OOOOOOO welll...... i think i should go and eat cos my tummy is grumbling already....so i guess i'll wait for sunday and i'll enjoy myself. O ya zad. My work place is at Tanjong Pagar and i found this coooooooooool PACIFIC COFFEE place which is so much cooler then the one at City Hall....serious, you have to check it out and maybe we can do our discussions there. K then....till i see you people again. Going through my picture files and i found a pic of myslef with my sis on our bday, my 17th bday. HAHAH

Work, sleep, eat, save money....think of someone.

2006-02-08T06:12:00.000+08:00

3rd day of the week and its the 2nd day of work. Hmmm....I'm going to be very busy all the way till March. I'm sorry. And maybe I only have 1 day off every week. Well......it's ok....So if any of you plan anything, plese tell me in advance because this isn't any normal job that i can bastard. Okay! Any dates that we already talk about, just confirm with me again k, cos it's hard to take an off, and my only excuse to give is I'm going back to school.

Hmmm....what's the plan for Sunday? Anyone? Sarah? I have to go out on Sunday. I don't want to be a deprived kid working all the time. Hahaha. Please, bring me out.

Yawning every 5 mins i want to sleep again but i can't, I have to eat and get ready for work soon. What ever it is, i hope this month and next month will end fast. I want it to end fast.....As long as i have off days that make me smile, I'll stll be alive.

Nothing more then life.......

2006-02-06T18:17:00.000+08:00

Nothing more then life.......haizzzz....
LIKE I MENTIONED....this is life. There are always problems that makes your life sucky. Hmm, went to an interview wasting my time and my money. Waking up feeling like shit, didn't hand in my project, wasted $20 on cab fare. The stupid fucking taxi driver couldn't get directions and word pronounciations right and brought me to ADAM ROAD INSTEAD OF ALLANBROKE ROAD. Fuck la. How stupid sial. I was late and he made me arrive even later.

So yeah, didn't get the job and i don't know what to do now. Why should i be thinking of all this when i'm not the one who is suppose to arrange all this for me. I'm jus a boy studying uh. FUCK LA! Thought that fucking day and its troubles ended but then here it continues again. Well....im speechless......

Lets just see how things go tomorrow. I'll try to wake up early and i'll call that fucking school and asks. Looks like i'm gonna get a shity job uh. Pantat uh. Im lazy to think about it anymore but its bothering me uh, Since that day...

MOtOs LOkOs

2006-02-03T20:21:00.000+08:00

And so it goes. Tomorrow is the last day of school then i'll start my attachment this Monday. Thank god i finish all my assignments, Yes Khai, ABACUS. Hahaha....I've done it, I've finished it and so i'm free. YEY KAN? Tomorrow is the interview, It's at Sentosa and i can't imagine myself going there every morning stoning in the train in the morning. Hmmm HOpe i'll get it.

So 2 mnths of attachment and I'm going to juggle another part-time job. The money? The money i earn from the attachment will be saved and put to another account so i don't touch it. My part-time, tt will be my allowance since I'm paid once a week. Ok kan? Am i still a workaholic Sarah? Am i Sarah? Am i? Hmm..... Like i said, I'm not wasting the money i earn.... :) Kla, but i promise i won't work till i forget you k, Sarah I promise. Or you friends out there k.
I'm trying to save up here, so please give me some support cos i'm going to acheive what ever i planned so that the people around me won't laugh and say, "it's not gonna work out""it's a waste of time la"! Yeah so i'm going to show you people ou there.

Hmmm, gonna have a busy day today so i better go and sleep after this. School, attachment, meet my friend and then go for bike prac then go for my trial thoery test......Wish me all the best for later k Dudes and Dudettes out there. And so it goes, like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives.

Peace in the night--->with the cool zephyr and stars

2006-02-01T20:11:00.000+08:00

Dangling Over the cliff
The View
Sunset Over at singapore from the summit
Going tO Ubin
Hmmmm

I am in love with Ubin...yes i am. I can't believe that such a small island which belongs to Singapore can be so awesome....The scenery and the surroundings are so beutiful. I would love to go there every month and i am planning to do that. Just to relief myself from my busy life. Once a month will be just nice.

Sitting in a group near the edge of the summit listening to peaceful songs and enjoying the night breeze. My god.....it was nice. Talking crap just to fill our time asking and answering stupid questions. Laughing away to almost everything we talked about. Snacking away all the food we had and jus enjoying the beeze. Salsa sauce with Doritos and Lays....I love them. Thanks to the people who were there. Without you people it wouldn't have been fun.

This day out was really a good idea.....it helped alot and thanks to my dear friend who came along. You made it complete......n i won't forget this Ubin trip. Thanks! :)

Wat ever la!!!!

2006-01-26T21:00:00.000+08:00

Yey! So i passed my bike prac...and so it goes on to another....I'll be doing it today...Prac 3......Again...many many hopes to pass......Well i think this will be my last lesson till next month because i'm out of money!! haha......and it's not that i don't have anymore money my dear friend..I just don't have anymore money to continue with my bike lessons. So it's ok. I help you, you help me...Ok...no need to worry so much bout me. Haha....I know, i know i am nice and all, but yeah.....

So yeah, a long day for me today, i'm suppose to finish at 5 but my bike prac will save me i can go home early. Ezad....why so stress sia? Relaxs man.....you're only 18 and it's still a long way to 19 or even 20. So stop thinking too much of the present la. I know it's good to plan but yeah, give it a break dude! Before i start you better stop. Ngemhet Ngempet......just remember that....You are jus stressing yourself. I mean cum on uh...CHill....aite.

Hmmm......i still havent got the attachment yet, cos the work places i chose wanted only "CHINESE" people who can speak "MANDARIN".......all i can say that you people are fucking Racists bastards! Go and fuck yourself and i swear your company won't last long you smelly people wiping your asses with tissue paper.....with those stupid small eyes of yours unable to open and see what i'm capable of doing. It doesn't mean i can't speak "MANDARIN" i can't do your fucking work cos my classmate whom was chosen, who is an "ABENG" is just going to serve customers while i can do your ticketing and reservations for you! I studied the god damn module and i came for that lesson cos it can bring me somewhere and all you say to me is, you don't want me is because i can't speak "MANDARIN". FUCK LA!

Ah.....let me rest in peace.....so people....now do you know why i want to migrate? Yes....because of this. How long do you want to live in a country where they look at your skin and just judge you of what you are uncapable of? HA? HA? I'm not talkin bullshit here....One day...insyallah if i have the money...I will migrate.....surrounded by this kind of bastards....i want my children to live in a different world where they don't have to ask me, isn't this a malay country? Why is there so many chinese? HAHAHA! talking crap again.HAizzzz......

Blargh

2006-01-24T01:06:00.000+08:00

The days seem to pass by very fast this days. I don't know whether it's me or it's reality. It's almost the end of January and this month was quick and i was mostly busy i guess. So i'm waiting for this week to pass then i'm going to Ubin again to enjoy the darkness, surrounding and the nature. Yes....the wonderful stars....

So i'm in class now not studying cos my teacher ain't here, and i believe there will be no PE like always. So i think i'm going hm soon. I have my Bike prac later so i should rest at home. Haha. Yeah, i failed the 1st time i did it, why? Because i never check blind spot da......Haiya...what a waste. So, many, many, many hopes for me to pass later.

Can get no better

2006-01-18T07:28:00.000+08:00

So im going for my attchment soon......haizzz.... I'l be very very busy this time. Gonna be working office hours i don't know where and it should atleast be 5 days a week. So yeah i really have to start saving cos all that i've planned how to save my money isn't gonna happen. So its gonna be the hard and slow way..... Doing my attachment and i'm still gonna work part-time. Cos if i don't i won't be able to save it. Yeah, yeah....what ever....I know i'm a workaholic....but it's for my own good, Right? Right? It's not that i waste my money on useless things like going clubbing or on drugs?

So atleast 2 more weeks of school then go for my attachment. At the same time all my money going to my licence and then the rest of my money is going to my bank. All that money is for april when i go for my backpacking trip to Thailand and for my bike. So it's just this 2. Enough of shopping and buying things cos that can all wait till april. I'll shop till i can't anymore. Hahaha...

So this friday is my next prac. Prac 2....then i have work....saturday i'm going to ubin then i have work....Sunday i'm not sure. My friend asked me out...So it's not confirmed yet. Today i have work at 10.....haizz.....And not forgetting i have my fitness test this friday.....if i don't pass i won't get my cert...per jerr......ALa....and i haven't done my project......KHAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bile nak buat project SATAN!!!!!! Asik kluar ngan pompuan jerrr!!!!

JB Madness

2006-01-16T17:52:00.000+08:00

It's was just like any normal trip to Johor, simple but I had alot of fun. I went our with my dear friend today, o and yeah, ezad tagged along. Sorry khai, i forgot to call you along but if i were to call you, you would be with your friend.....Da ader pompuan pe??

So yeah...while waiting for ezad i bought pretzels. HAHA, yummy. I bought 2 pretzels while waiting and another 2b4 watching movie. Its freaking delicious uh! Where can you get delicious pretzels for only $1.45? The plan was to get kropok lekor but i totally forgot about it. NYAH HAH! So the next time i go there buy 1st so if i forget atleast i get to eat again.

Haha, and yes....it was sweet of my dear friend to actually have planned to get me this vans shoe. Which i had no idea of......but didn't buy because of my fickleness.....didn't know what to get. So we ate, walk around in circles thanks to ezad and end up watching this grusome movie "The Wig". HAIYA! It was so grusome uh. You can actually vomitthere uh while watching. Wait.....someone did go and vomit while watching....i wonder who..... :p hmmm....

So when's the next time? Hmm...b4 Ubin I guess.....yeah...need to get supplies b4 we go...

Out of randomness......(BAH!)

2006-01-16T02:00:00.000+08:00

All For Believing

We were friends,

we became lovers, & now

we are just aqquientences.

Always wanting to know how you are and what's in your mind.

I would just end up calling you.

Tell me again,

what we are and where we stand?

I've never really understood you.

To me you are my lover &

you are my best friend.

But now we have gone our seperate ways.

We had plans that were unbreakable,

I thought we were unbreakable,

but both out hearts broke

Cos nothing good lasts forever.

I'm living in a world surrounded by black and white.

Something is missing you.

Maybe someday you'll wake up from your deep sleep,

and you'll start finding or following you heart.

You know i'd die to know you love me.

Is there someone missing me?

Knowing you don't care feels like a thousand needles piercing my heart,

living without you makes my world turn upside down.

How long will it take us to be undone?

Pull back the sheild between us,

Drop your defences and come into my arms.

I'm all for believing,

If you can reveal the true colours within.

I know you blanket your mind,

so much that i am blind.

But i see you painted our soul into your guard.

I need to know just how you feel, to comfort you.

Need to find the key to let me into your heart,

to find your soul.

You say you'll be there to hold, and the faith grows old,

and life turns cold.

So if you're cold i will stay and maybe fate will guide the way.

I beleive in what i see and

we were meant to be.

Just beleive

Just beleive in me......

..........its 6:24a.m

2006-01-15T22:24:00.000+08:00

I reached home around 4:15am and i called a friend straight away.....chatted with her for awhile and we planned to sleep cos we're going out today. We're gonna have alot of fun today so we need to rest....

So ya, laid on my bed, and as usual listened to some music before i go to sleep....I fell asleep, and suddenly after 10 mins of peace i woke up with a shock. (sigh) why? I wondered to myself. And all of a sudden flashbacks and memories came and hit me hard. Haizz......why now. So here i am, typing this out......can't sleep but sleepy on the brain. I hate it when this thing happens sia. Tsk! Sial uh! Rimas gileer uh....donno what my heart wants. It wants to feel sad, happy and even excited. I donno....when it suddenly cam i felt like bursting all my tears out, but sometimes i can't any more. I donno why. Till now. Isn't it kind of wierd? Haizzz......

Am i suppose to miss that person? Should i go back? Ah! FUCK IT LA! It's useless.....i am so far away and i'm standing up straight....why must this shit have to happen to me now? FUCK! Fuck all the questions that's playing around in my mind.....eeee irritating gileer sial.....I can seriously go on with all my swearing......haizzzz.....

I'm so excited uh............

2006-01-12T18:00:00.000+08:00

Its 2a.m and i can barely type. i'm so sleepy already. I've been sleepy since i was at skool just now. I actually selpt at the canteen table sey jus now....Haiyah, so embaracing...

I left skool quite early cos i had my bike practical.

APE DIA?
KAU DA START AMIK LESEN?
DA LA!
WEEEEEEEE!

Eh, kau.....I'm so excited sey.....it was fun uh just now..Da lame sey tak naik. But everything my friend taught me last time came as useful notes. Even though it was raining it was fun...Being wet and riding the bike at the same time. The instructors were supuer duper nice uh...As long as i don't kena the Indian guy with the thick long Misai, its oooooooookay with me. Haha

So yeah, there were some people there whom i already knew and ezad and me made some new freinds. haha, From a simple straight line start to a mini circuit. Then playing with gear 2. Gerek kan?

Hey, hope the next time you can be extra carefull.....Don't be scared to release the clutch.....throttle takmo too many....ahahah. Won't mansion wat happen cos it was just you.....Hey, but it was cool uh... I turned my head and you were already running...Then look again, i was like eh? Hmmmm, okay.

So yeah, my next prac will be on monday at 1640 hrs....And i hope it will be so much better. Wait, wait, the helmet freaking smelly sia......I know people always bring their own helmet but to me tak cool gileer uh. Motor blum ader, nak ngade2 bawak helmet. Sudah la! But the helmet bau....Hahahaha.....complain eh... I havent done the theory yet...and ya! SHit! I havent done the medical thingy for NS sia.....Shit so gonna die uh......And i have skool projects to complete. Next wednesday i have to wear formal, ape sey....And my teacher will be treating us at seoul Garden.....Jadi la....

Oooo yeah, not forgetting...i wanna thank my dear friend for making tonite gerek....cool, windy and gerek uh. Pure randomness uh! ahaha, played on the swing and i could feel the cool breeze...wah! Tt's y i wanna go ubin.....jus hope it won't rain. Kk i think it's enough for now. I'm sleepy and i was typing nonsense.....BAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oooooo yeah...

2006-01-11T13:39:00.000+08:00

That's where i laid
Khai treating my wound
A view from the back
Jus pretending
Im jus too tired

Hmm......no wonder something was missing cos i forgot to mention tt i actually had my birthday bash at Malaysia after my expedition. It was at the hotel when the guys started it and i tell ya....My 18th bash was the worst i've ever had. Normally it would be a group of people hitting and kicking me uh but this time it was all about making fun of me....Haizzzz, guys, guys....nothing better to do, but something stupid which is fun to guys.

The shitty thing about it is i actually knew that they were gonna do it to me but i didn't know when. That was the question. When? Haha. Watching this hindi movie and suddenly some guy jus grabbed me from behind and pushed me to the floor so everyone could have a piece of me. Struggled and struggled it took them about 20 mins to pin me down. Imagine........8 people pinning you down and, me after an exhausting expedition trying to struggle my way out. Biting and spitting is all i could do to them. I was so exhausted till i jus had to give up and tell them "do what ever you want to do to me, cos i'm tired and i want this to be over and done with".

So yeah, they did......they taped my legs and hands so i couldn't move even though after giving up, but i guess, it was jus for the fun of it.....they stripped me naked and then they painted my toe nails in ugly green colour just because i like greentea....haha....and they bought food colouring and vineger jus to paint my hold body. From head to toe they poured the colours and the vineger to make me smell bad.....I guess they're jus jealous that i don't have body odours like them...HAHAHA.....so yeah they made me into an art piece, a combination of colours and with all their signatures behind my back.....

I couldn't even get up uh.....i was jus too tired and i was like shivering the whole time washing myself up.....I let all the food i had in me out 1st b4 i took the shower......Ha....my friends jus love me too much....after making me suffer all that, they got so worried when i was vomitting...hahahaha.... had an abrasion on my elbow and i had super glue stuck to my thigh which made it a wound....thanks to khai with all the wrap....ahaha. I had a bloody headache and i couldn't even smoke my stick properly cos i was too tired....haizzzz...YOU GUYS ARE SO GONNA GET IT WHEN IT"S YOUR BDAY.......

Wat a day.......

2006-01-04T10:56:00.000+08:00

Staring away in the train....going to skool feeling sleepy...Haizzz.....Listening to my music it brought me away, away to some place so far and yeah it was nice dreaming. The moment i knew.....someone woke me up when it was at Jurung East interchange.......Haiya, so paiseh and wat a good start i had, darn! KANTOI AH! And when i woke up, i realised it was a lady....alahai....lagi kantoi.....whether it was buruk or not, i didn't know uh.....A LADY WAKING ME UP UH! Shits.....

So wat did i do in skool today? Nothing! ITE lame sey......i had a 2 hours break uh, nothing to do untill khai came, atleast had some fags to smoke....khekahkaheka. Serious, everytime this happens everyone will be like brain dead uh, nothing to do.....no wonder alot of ITE students become dumber....da dumb, and when things like this happen, ppl will jus go home and end up not doing and gaining anything in skool.......

Hey.....so where was i thinking.....hmmmm.....oooo ya! I wanna go to Pulau Ubin at the end of this month......maybe jus a 2 day trip...just a hike up to the summit and spend a nite there...anyone interested, you're welcomed to join me....jus tell me k

Ala..............

2006-01-02T12:29:00.000+08:00

I just had to work during new year.....haiya!!! And i missed alot of fun with my frens.....this year's new year....I'm so not gonna work unless they pay me like $15 an hour....ahahah other than tt no way i'm gonna work. Im not gonna miss any fire works this year...haha.

Well......we went to town yesterday and i met my dear fren thr. Ate and we walked all the way. They actually sent me to work...khekhekeh thanks buddies...and they went to esplanade to have fun....ala.....

It was so busy at work and i didn't even have time to shout out the coundown. I didn't even have time to smoke.....tt's how busy it was and it was suppose to finish at 4 which was dragged all the till 5. HAH! Thanks to Sheikh Haikal and crew! Blahg......and i just had walk out, cos i didn't give a damn anymore.....Took a cab and met my frens and esplanade. Atleast i had fun thr even though it was for a short while..... Thanks anyway.....

The Last Time I'm Posting For 2005

2005-12-31T17:05:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone......I'm getting well soon and my dear friend is getting sick....Anyway thanks for that time and i guess you're sick cos of me....But i warned her and she still......that's y, degil.....so anyway. I'm working today uh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been 2 years......I have been working on new year for the past 2 years while everyone is having fun....Its ok.....

So yeah, I'm meeting my buddies later, chill then work then i think ill be meeting them again...i hope......aaaaaaahhhhhhh.....2005 is over! Its getting faster and faster everytime. Time passes by so fast sey nowadays......

I guess tt's all for 2005, closing my book....and opening a new chapter in life next year.... :) With alot more things to come my way, alot more things to learn and experience and more ppl to meet along the way.... a stronger me everytime.....3 cheers for TEAM!

Jus a lil bit to show

2005-12-31T07:00:00.000+08:00

Jus so tired
The wonderful view at the summit
Us at the summit
AH!!!!EEE!!!
That's us

WE CAME, WE SAW AND WE CONQUERED....

2005-12-31T06:10:00.000+08:00

Like I said....I am going to update my blog after i get my pics.....so yeah. I've got my pics and so it goes.....

1st of all.....I want to thank everyone who made this expedition succesful. To TEAM and to the guys who were with us.... For those of you who know, this is our 1st Independent expedition overseas and it wasn't easy organising it. That's why I really want to thank all of you who gave us their support.

Hmmmm..........Truthly speaking I wasnt't ready for the expedition myself cos i thought it was going to be easy as plan and done the 1st time. But yeah! I thought wrong. From an average of a 2hrs hike It ended up to a 7hrs drama. With our ooo so heavy load on our backs causing us to slouch......the only thing tt helped us were the sticks we found tt we made into walking sticks then. It was the only thing tt supported us.

We were so behind time and we had no chance on reaching the summit b4 nite fall as planned. We just had to depend on our other senses and our lights to trek ourselves up. Pushing ourselves BEYOND OUR LIMITS we just continued and we had alot of pit stops along the way cos we really couldn't take it any longer. With the blood sucking creatures crawling around our legs to find a good spot, and with the cramps we had to endure i would proudly say we are night conquerers of Gunung Panti. Haha.

On and on we went without giving up....we just continued.....Motivating and pushing ourselves after 6 hrs, finally we reached the last check point to the summit, the vertical wall. 1 by 1 each of us climbed up the wall. Starting from khai followed by the rest. Rizal and i were the last. Rizal to support at the bottom and i on the wall to support each and every 1 of them. I seriously didn't noe wat was up tt wall cos i was wondering wat was taking them so long to just put their bags down and come back to help us. So then it was my turn and i was just to tired to clmb the wall with my load. Luckily khai came down to bring my bag up cos i was exhausted! So it was jus me and rizal with the logistics....step by step we pulled ourselves up and i just had to stop cos i couldnt breath anymore. Thanks to rizal for calming me down, we sat down and rested. Help wasn't thr for us yet so we took our time catching our breath and lighted a fag. The sense of accomplishment was near and i could feel every moment worth while as i climbed higher and higher. Few metres up, the rest came down to help us....it was great! Thanks guys! I really needed a hand.

The moment i stepped on flat ground i was so happy tt my heart couldn't believe, it beated so fast and i really felt like crying. Cos i myself couldn't believe tt i have reached the summit. Thanks Guys! Cheers. The view was amazing when the sun came out. Its was seriously worth every single minute we suffered down thr pushing ourselves. Woke up cos i was shivvering, it was cold, raining and we could hardly breath properly....We could see smoke coming out of our mouths.....coool eh?? Thr was mist surrounding us and when we looked over the cliff we could see clouds.....my gawd.....its really amazing uh...breathtaking, i jus can't describe it.....haizz....I'm melting now.

Trekking down was so much easier....the load was lighter cos we tried reducing it up b4 we climbed down. We left the beautiful place after lunch and i just told myself to hang in thr. I was leading the 2nd day expedition and i told myself to have lesser pit stops and trek at a faster pace.....and when we reached the river, we straight away dumped our bags and ran for water cos we didn't have any more water......it was cool and wow.....i could feel the water running down my throat....spent 10 mins jus refreshing myself thr, washing my face and just enjoying the sensation.

Continued and we finally reached the waterfall where we played around, took pics and just rendam in the water......cooling off and letting go of the tension in our body ah and not forgetting, we had a nice shower there.....at the running water....wah!!! After everything...we settled down and cook and had our camofire and our debrief and we just laid thr looking at a million stars......Haizzzz.....why are other countries so much nicer then my own......played stupid guessing games until i got irritated.....argghhhh!!!! Syarif, rizal and who ever.....AH!!!!!!!

Haizzzz.....alot to share but its gonna be to long to write...im tired...its already long now and if i continue...ah...its gonna be forever.....

Like the sands through the hour glass.....so are the days of our lives.......Hiazzz.....3 cheers to TEAM.

WAAAAAAAATAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

2005-12-29T18:34:00.000+08:00

Hmmm....should i say i am recovering or should i say "lets pretend to be sick?", so some ppl could jus pamper me....ahahaha. Its fun uh...its not tt i get it all the time uh... hmm.....i will update the story on Kota Tinggi but i shan't do it it now cos my brain still can't think. All i can say is i reached hm on my bday at 7pm, feeling very sick and exhausted......went to swensens with my family to celebrate and went hm to sleep. Hmmm......after waking up, went to the clinic

with someone whom was kind enuf to bring me thr...khekehkehkhe.....

Haizzz.....wish it was still early and i wish i would still be hanging around somewhere..... when was the lasttime i spent time with you? Haiyo! So yeah...thanks alot...today was cool.....laughing...skipping arnd......and jus plain talkin......I miss those times with my dear friend too. HAHAHA! I'm saying as if my friend is long gone or should i say far away... But we're just busy donno buat ape uh sampai susah nak jumpe! HAHAHA..... Cos i still can't stop laughing bout the Minah tudong song....ahahaha, am i rite Sarah...ahahah...cool piece of trash...ahahha Laughing, giggling in the library...and then coming across a minah tudong girl at Cavana....OOppsss......And YA! Not forgetting the delicious Laksa i had at Cavana uh....emmmm....its been a long time since i had a delicious Laksa.....And it was with crispy chicken...kau.....sedap gileer uh...aahhahaha. I want it agian!

So yeah...starting my lame, boring life agian tmrw......its back to work.....thursday, friday and saturday and maybe sunday. And, maybe on monday i'll be gg to Sentosa to go for a job interview cos i'm damn bored with my work....AH!!!!!!!!!!!!! So its like a new year, a new working envirenment.... So now wat? Liscence uh!!!!! My december's pay is my liscence money and i really can't wait..... I want to get a sweater....a new t-shirt, ......ah and 2 new pair of shoes......I WANT! I REALLY WANT!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Going crazy bout the stuff that i can't buy but holding on to the money that can buy me almost everything!!!! SHEEEESSSHHHH!!!! I'm OUtSZZZZ!!~~~>>>>

Was I Kiasu or Wat?

2005-12-19T18:33:00.000+08:00

My god......i didn't know settling the logistics would be this tiring uh. Shoots man....Its a good thing Ezad was here to help me....We like cleared the whole shelf of maggi at NTUC....ahahaha same goes for the can food, ppl were like looking and staring at us. We were like seeking for attention man! HAHAH, they were like looking from head to toe.....cos it was all cleared by us... hmm...just hope its enuf...maybe it's more then enuf...I'm not really sure cos this is my 1st time organising and independent camp and i'm not really sure whether its to much or not.....trial an error then. Hmmm......and we actually brought back the trolley..ahahahaha. There was alot to carry uh so we decided to bring back the trolley and when i borught it hm my parents were lik " oi! wats with the trolley" "better put it back tmrw" ahahaha sheesh..Well a few more things to buy like water ans abit more stuff... so yeah, abit more shopping but i think i'll ask daddy to help me.....

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-18T07:33:00.001+08:00

I'm so gonna rot at home today.... Haizzz.....with a dolar in my pocket how am i gonna survive? Shit, and i'm like so hungry. So i'm going to use that $1 to buy my prata cos i haven't ate since yesterday. I haven't ate properly for the past few days. I've been eating maggi then going out then coming home without any food to eat. ANd i'm working later......AH!!!!!!

My next expedition is nearing. It's this 23rd and i can't wait. But i admit i am having some minor difficulty handling the logistics uh.... Shit.....But i really can't wait uh.... Hmm.....We're gonna take alot, lot, lot, of pics and i hope me and izad can really cum out with a good video clip.

"OUR EXPEDITION TO BT PANTI".....HAHAHA.

K i just finish pluckking my eyebrows. I was just trying, so ya.....I've done it. My sis did it for me....Wasn't as pain as ppl said it shld be. So yeah....

Wats happening now? I have the cruise briefing this monday, and i'll be doin the cuise project on tuesday then meet up with Sarah and go out. Wednesday i have to go to JB to buy the logistics then on thursday settle the things then meet up with the participant6s and distribute their rations.....I can't wait!!!!!!

So yeah....busy week for me......and wat a bday it will be. My Brunei friends came here to celebrate it but I'm not going to be with them. Haizzzz.....A bday in Malaysia.....Truly Asia....HAHAHAHAKZZZZ

Form My Heart I'm Letting It All Out

2005-12-02T18:03:00.000+08:00

I guess I have found my source of easing myself. It’s writing it out and it really makes me feel so much better. It’s similar to letting it all out. I’m thankful that I’m not stupid to take drugs and endanger my life just to forget this pain. I admit I did it last time but it wouldn’t really endanger me that much. Sometimes I do laugh at myself for doing it last time. What did I do? Hahaha, I drank till my kidneys and heart couldn’t take it anymore. I did that for 2 months for your information. Didn’t really go home and I just sat down drinking 1 bottle after another. Wondering around like a lost sole. I’m thankful that god gave me a 2nd chance which happened all of a sudden. It just smacked me right at the head. Questions started playing around in my mind. Why am I doing this? Do I benefit anything? Yup, all of a sudden. And that’s how exactly I changed myself and my life.

Where am I now in life?

I’m proudly standing on my 2 feet studying Nitec in Tourism and planning to go for Higher Nitec In Hospitality and Tourism Management next year, Yup I’ve got it all planned. It’s a new and good start for me. At the same time I’m juggling my part-time job which is a server at coccolatte and being a freelance camp instructor. These are the sources for my money and my moving on. I know I say this all the time but I’m seriously proud of myself that I’m here right now standing up straight without any helping hands. It wasn’t easy for me being here; yup I have to repeat that again cos I’m proud that I was strong enough to go through all the tough stages of moving on and I’m still in fact moving on. Not struggling just trying to push myself so I wouldn’t be brought down easily if it happens to me again.

I have so many plans and so many things coming my way especially now in my new busy life. Since I’ve became an instructor there are so many opportunities coming my way. At lasts! All that I’ve always desired for and all the things I’ve always enjoyed are now coming true. My Birthday is in a few weeks time and I’m looking forward to it but the problem is I won’t be in town. I’ll be in Malaysia organizing an expedition. I’m looking forward for a lot of people wishing me for my birthday. Not hoping for presents but more to people wishing me. It’s a big thing for me cos I rarely get wishes. It’s like a day forgotten by many. I guess they’re to busy preparing for New Year. So I have my expedition, my birthday and my license. Then next year will be my attachment followed by getting a bike, then going for a diving course then going to Karimun then to THAILAND! That’s the plan for now.

You're Gone

2005-11-28T20:30:00.000+08:00

We might as well be strangers. Knowing each other but not saying anything. Not even a 'hi' nor a wave nither did i get a smile.I'm so tierd of being here. Thinking that I've moved on but I'm still surpressed by my own fears.

If you have to leave, I wish you would just leave cos your presents still lingers here.

The pain is so real that i can't even stand on my two feet. This wounds just won't heal.

It's because god I'm strong. We spent so much time together. Even time can't erase the torture that I'm going through. The greatest feeling of love which can be so wonderful but it has harmed me in such a way that i can barely hold.

I tell myself that you're gone but some how you r image appears in my mind. Your kisses, hugs, smiles and laughter is still in my heart. Your love and your hatred for me leaves a scar in my heart. I try to fight it and tell myself that're a good wonderful person. I know you can change and i just want to see you happy. STOP HATING ME!

Your sweet voice keeps humming in my ear. I'm stll fighting and its been 2 years long. But your spirit seems to be with me. Everywhere i go. I just can't live without you.

I wipe my sorrows every single day and try not to think about it. I still love you and by looking at your pic or by remembering a phrase from you makes me strong. This starts my day. You are my energy.When will this wounds heal? God wipe away my sins and tears. Return me my love and complete my love life. I just can't bare the blood that drips down my big cut on my heart. It hurts so bad that only love and her can heal my sensitive heart.

Something tt just came out......Im ok now cos im stronger then ever......

Hmmmm

2005-11-26T19:02:00.000+08:00

Parting away.

My spirit has gone with the wind.
Thorns felt my heart with blood.
Sitting here so empty hearted after we both parted.
My heart filled sorrow and pain.
What’s left of me is just an empty shell without life.
She left me in a far away land.
Taking away my flesh and leaving me with only pain.

Thank you.

I was so sad I got possessed,
We are not together, I wish I were,
Then I found out you have chosen him,
You hurt my feelings and made me cry,
I just don’t know why,
I continue to try,
“Things won’t work out”
Is all you ever say?
I guess that’s why,
I’m feeling this way,
This is all because of you,
No doubts in my mind,
So go break another heart,
Go make another friend,
I’m walking away,
I’m never turning around,
But I also thank you,
For this strength that I found.

Never

Never say I love you if you don’t care.
Never talk about feelings if they aren’t really there.
Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.
Never say you’re going to if you plan to start.
Never look me in the eye if you plan to lie.
Never say hello if you mean goodbye.

Leaving

Leaving you was painful,
But I believe I have too,
Even though saying goodbye was hard,
I’ve done it,
I’ve made myself more truthful,
Leaving you is not easy,
Leaving what I loved,
Breaks my heart,
Maybe we were just not made for each other.

Problems...

2005-11-25T18:20:00.000+08:00

Not saying I’m not sure bout my self or I’m not sure what to do with my life. Problems will always be problems and they will never go away till you solve it YOURSELF! Well….it seems like my life has always been occupied with problems, never living me with peace. I don’t know how I can go on with my life with all this problems. One after another it just keeps on coming.

Why have I never given you up? Why have I never forgotten you? Why have I never hated you? And the biggest question I always ask myself is why I even bother thinking of you and still care for you if you don’t even give a shit bout me! Hmmmm….till now I wonder, and I myself don’t know when I’ll stop wondering.

Truthfully speaking I’m not ready to have another relationship now, not ready to have commitment and not ready to sacrifice time for anyone. It seems like I am scared which I partly am, cos it’s like you got stabbed once you wouldn’t want it to happen again. Just can’t bare the pain you have to go through. It just makes you think a lot, I know it isn’t important for me right now, its just bothering me a lot. Whether I should or whether I shouldn’t. This question plays around my mind again and again. Till I get so angry I don’t know what to do. Yeap, that’s how pathetic I can be, irritated by my own self. I do miss love, I do miss being loved, I miss being in a relationship and I do miss being cared and remembered by someone who cares for you. Haizz….but I just can’t see it happening. Not now, not in my busy life, wouldn’t know how I can cope sey, not now in my life when I still see myself as young, which is too young to be too committed in something and getting disappointed yourself.

I have told myself to be strong so many times. I know I am getting stronger as months and weeks go by. I have put her way behind my head and way behind my heart. Buy why the fuck does it appear again and again???? Why the FUCK!!!!!!!!!! I am sick and tired of it, when will this shit go away. Its not that I want to think of it, it just comes, the fucked up part is, it happens when I sleep. YES! Dreams that I get…. I know they are dreams, but they are irritating me….why must they come and why must the dream be bout her???? If like that how the fuck can I forget about her? HOW? I ask anyone who gets across my blog and gets to read this post. YES, people say forget…easy said. What the fuck am I suppose to do when I try to forget the person and they appear in your dream. If the dream was bad I wouldn’t mind but the dreams I get about her are all the good ones. Am I supposed to believe it? FUCK AH!!!! That isn’t going to bring me down, I say that again. Nothing is happening between me and her. We stay as we are. Acquaintances we will be. Its just irritating…..simple said.

Listening to the songs on my mp3 to calm myself down, that’s the best solution for me now. Just chill and smoke myself to death if I could. Nyah Hah!

It's A New Blog!

2005-11-25T01:09:00.000+08:00

K.....I'm starting new. For those who know me, you should all noe that my blog is accidently deleted by someone. Yes, deleted. Haizzz....So its poor me doing a new blog. So lecehkan!! But then I have to do this because I have to write in order not to stress myself. I find writing things out just makes me feel better. So, when I'm bored I post, when I'm stress I post and when I feel the need to I post. YES! So whats new??
I just started skool, which is my new semester. I'm left with 2 terms to go then I have officially graduated Nitec in Tourism. Yes, its cool alright. So where next? A lot coming up, I'll update that in my next post. This semester is going to be a fast one, 10 weeks of studying on computers that is then another 7-8 weeks on attachment. Not sure where I'll get attached to yet. Its either to a travel agency or Innotrek. Both also I want. I feel that I want to work at a travel agency cos its cool, at the same time you learn and Innotrek cos I actually earn more money. The amount they will be paying us is so little. Guess???? Its $10-$25 a day working 9hrs a day. Who wants that man!? Its like slavery to me. That money is like enough to buy a pack of fags, 1 meal and transport money.
So what has been up lately? For some of you who noes, yeah.....I've been really busy. Busy with work abnd camps. The past 3 weeks of holiday has been full of camps and events. I've been learning a lot and at the same time also boosting up my level of confidence.
Happy news is that my Birthday is coming which is next month on the 26th December. YEAH! But I'll be in Malaysia doing an expedition with T.E.A.M, which is abet upsetting. Looking forward to taking my bike license, thinking long term and short term at the same time, cos if I take a car license I can't afford a car which will be useless so it leaves me with a bike which I can afford.
So that's all folks......Don't you dare delete my blog again....HEHEHE.....Happy reading!

Like Sands Through The Hour Glass.......So are the days of my lives...

I Just Feel Like It

Things Are Well And Kicking

To a busy work month AHEAD! Cheers!!

hAPPY nEW yEAR 2008

Happy birthday Darling

What's Inside Of Me........I Let It Out

When the sands go through the glass tubes....

~~~~~~Weeeeee~~~~~

Another week

Everything

~~~~Weeeeeeeeeee~~~~

A random Idea

How ~Dumb~?

Plain day

Longing For

Happy Bday Dad

Finally, Finally

Happy Bday!!!

Goodbye my LOver, Goodbye My friend

Ho Ho Ho, "is it Christmas?"

Yeabah!!!!!

Woosh

Keparang pundeng keparang scraper...De pundek da de!!!

Sway

......

Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do

Woah!

Same shit

And so it is.....

The memories

Wasting time

Its just complicated!

My journey has ended but life goes on

Ok lah.....

Weeeeepeeee

Shake your head and lick your elbow >>>>try, it works when you're bored

Why do dreams Happen? Is it reality or is it just some stupid crap.

just an update

Nothing much

Adapting

Rimasi maso

BOO! BAH! WAH! SHA! KAZAAAM!

Work, sleep, eat, save money....think of someone.

Nothing more then life.......

MOtOs LOkOs

Peace in the night--->with the cool zephyr and stars

Wat ever la!!!!

Blargh

Can get no better

JB Madness

Out of randomness......(BAH!)

..........its 6:24a.m

I'm so excited uh............

Oooooo yeah...

Wat a day.......

Ala..............

The Last Time I'm Posting For 2005

Jus a lil bit to show

WE CAME, WE SAW AND WE CONQUERED....

WAAAAAAAATAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Was I Kiasu or Wat?

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

Form My Heart I'm Letting It All Out

You're Gone

Hmmmm

Problems...

It's A New Blog!

~~Weeeeee~

Weeeeeeeeeee